random thoughts all the time

see you

2006-12-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

restless. this is the feeling that i'm having right now. been having this feeling for the past few weeks at least. why? i can't really decribe it. it may have been a combination of work stress, lack of sleep, and not eating right. or maybe i'm missing someone. and singgang.

i've written before about how much i needed to get organized. the apartment's a big mess. the fridge is smelling funny. the bathtub needs a major scrubbing. been going into work late. and so on so forth with a lot of other slacks. maybe these have been contributing to my being restless. kinda funny after re-reading what i've written earlier. somewhat ironic that i think i know what's wrong in my life and i think i know what i needed to do, but having little motivation to change these.

i got almost a week to straighten this mess here before heading out. now i'm really looking forward to not doing anything for a couple of days back home. i could find solace in obscurity. in the place where time seems to stand still. in the place where i first breathed the air on my own. should be great!

right now, i just want to sleep.

sparks

2006-12-11T01:33:00.000-07:00

i can't sleep. late night football matches are hard. feel age is catching up on me.

i got almost two full weeks before i fly back home. so much work, so little time. and so much to look forward to. can't wait!

selling the drama

2006-11-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

all that i've ever asked of you is a little trust. if that is too much to ask, then i don't know what else to do. trust has been a central theme in my life in the past decade or so. it is perhaps an attribute that is expected in a person and what is expected of me, due largely, but not restricted, to the fact that we live a world's apart. sometimes i don't know what i'm getting at.

it has been a relaxing couple of days. yesterday was thanksgiving and today is another day off. slept in both days and now i feel sorta kinda nauseous. i guess there is such a thing as too much of a good thing not being good for you! nevertheless, i enjoy this still.

hey you.. be it that you're just gonna kick back and do nothing or flying off to phuket, stay safe k. have a great weekend!

we never change

2006-11-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

my left eye twitched all day yesterday. gets annoying towards the end of the day. but i survived it. i need to re-evaluate my entire being (meaning: change my lifestyle.. a bit). for starters, i need to get to bed earlier (like at 10pm) and get the full complement of 6-8 hours of quality sleep time. i think my current sleep routine (or the deprivation of it) leads to the left eye twitching all day yesterday and annoyed the living daylight out of me. there.

everlong

2006-11-18T01:48:00.000-07:00

it's true that when you thought that you know something, that's when you realized you don't know anything. i've been feeling somewhat out of depth in my line of work, particularly about computer know-how these past few days. this sucks. points to ponder that.

on a more personal note, i've been struggling to understand and describe this stirred up feeling that i've had in the last few hours. i mean.. i barely know her. and 'casino royale' is just decently superb, not great. or maybe it's one of those 'breathe out.. so i can breathe you in.. hold you in' (everlong, 'the color and the shape' album, foo fighters, 1997) moments. sorta kinda.

and before i sign off here, can anybody give me a psychological explanation, or legal even, to why i'd always get stomach aches whenever i have impure thoughts?

save room

2006-11-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

today has been hectic. to say the least. it seems like a norm sometimes. but of course i'm exaggerating. i've been on cruise control at work for the past couple of weeks. i'm sure things will pick up again. like next week. but at least i gotta do a cool project and i'm sure it won't bore to death. other than work, everything else seems to be falling apart. there are days when i just feel like the whole world has turned against me. i used to be more paranoid about it but i've been trying not to take it too seriously. else it'll just mess with my head more. that comes with age.. gosh.. feels terribly old to be saying that.

the rockies.. in touching distance

we lost the championship game. it sucks. i guess looking cool in those knock-off manchester united reds doesn't win you points. but we sure look good though!

and it seems more likely than not that i'll be headed home for hari raya haji this year. this time, i'll make sure that i'll be getting that do-nothing few days to myself. hmm koh samui sounds mighty awesome now! i'll post pictures, i promise. til then, hope you're having a great weekend. be safe :)

denver skyline

everything you want

2006-11-05T15:35:00.000-07:00

i was sitting in the car in the parking lot at work just now, wondering why do i ever wanted to try skydiving? i was thrilled enough to be just sitting in a fast car. i don't need any more, extra injection of adrenaline. or do i?

tonight's the championship game for my indoor soccer team in westminster. we've went unbeaten in league play (6 wins and 1 draw) and will be playing for the championship. i hope everybody will bring their best game tonight. we drew against this same opponent last week, so everybody's all fired up to perform better. i'll update it here tomorrow.

and, it seems like i'll be going home for hari raya haji this december. watch this space as well. hope you'll have a brilliant week ahead. stay safe!

hunting bears

2006-10-28T10:32:00.000-06:00

(10/29) sometimes i have too much to say (and said too much). other times, i don't. most of the times really. like now. i was supposed to publish this entry yesterday, but the line crapped out on me. kinda hoping i'd thought of something utterly brilliant to write this morning to add on to the minimal writing i did yesterday but to no avail-lah. there's a lot of aspects in my life that i want to improve. hmm and before i start ranting and raving about how much 'goodness' i can introduce to the world, i might want to reconsider it. why? because you're probably tired of reading these things being discussed across the cyberworld already. *still nothing brilliant to talk about..

(10/28) hola! i want to apologise for not writing these last few days. i know you're eager to hear what i've been doing this past week, but it never happened. eid was a blast! took the day off and drove down to denver for the eid prayer at the denver tech center. met up with a few malay families there and we went on a raya road trip soon after. five houses in all on monday.. felt like celebrating eid at home! later that day, the longmont gang had an eid party too. and, oh, my satay was a hit! the best in colorado won't you think so? :)

hundred

2006-10-19T00:05:00.000-06:00

i've written an entry a couple of days ago with this same title. it never got published due a technical difficulty with the internet line. ah well.. maybe i should move on. alrighty then.

aidul fitri is a few days out. i can't feel any excitement though. it will be 'just another day'. not sure that's good or bad. the one thing that would make me feel it's hari raya is when i hear the takbir. don't care much about those raya songs. or raya cookies. trust me.

i'll be making satay (insyaAllah). don't know how they'll turn out, but they'll be the best satay in colorado by far (perasan). so, please stop by. everybody's invited :)

to those making trips back home, stay safe ok! God bless. selamat hari raya!!

vienna

2006-10-13T23:32:00.000-06:00

i can't believe how time flies when you're having fun! it's not like i'm having too much fun here though. tired from sleep (self) deprivation. i'm beginning to think that with setting up this pc at home, it has became more of a health deterrent than anything else beneficial. other than being able to update this blog more frequently, i can't think of of anything else that would've kept me up late at night. i mean i don't surf the internet as much (porno sites are definite no-no, urm..) nor have i gotten less suck at chess (and/or 'age of empire'). so why did i get this pc in the first place?

don't panic

2006-10-12T20:55:00.000-06:00

i just purchased two cd's with 25% discount, for claiming that i'm a tennis instructor. border's is currently having an 'educators' sales' (sorta kinda) that gives all sorts of 'educators' imaginable, ie grade school teachers, dance/yoga/taebo instructors, over-rated self-improvement gurus, and whatever-else-kinda-educators (including CERTIFIED tennis instructors), the discount on any purchases til next tuesday. i had my doubts at first. i mean i give tennis lessons, but far from being a certified one. and they'd probably gonna ask for a certified-tennis-instructor id card thing-y which i don't have. then i would really be in an embarassing, awkward position, so to speak. but i claimed as such nonetheless and got my discount.. hehe. imagine that would be a cool bar pick-up line (methinks) :P

unsuspecting hottie: so.. what do you do?
uber-cool self (with a foreign accent): i'm a tennis instructor
unsuspecting hottie: oh, wow! that's hot!
unsuspecting hottie: i've always wanted a 'tennis lesson'.. maybe you can give me some at your place tonight.. flirt.. flirt..
(uber-cool self then rides off with unsuspecting hottie..)

i mean that could work.. couldn't it?

anyway.. the two cd's i got were coldplay's parachute (for the third time) and seu jorge's the life aquatic studio sessions (from the fantastically made movie the life aquatic with steve zissou).

i honestly don't know where i lost the two coldplay cd's. i chose not to dwell on what-could-have-beens and bought another one (heck.. i might lose this one too). and there's something about the brazilian sound that conjures my excitement (but i'm not telling heh). if you haven't already seen the life aquatic movie, then i suggest that you do. life's short you know! stay safe and have a great weekend lovelies.

all at once

2006-10-11T01:02:00.000-06:00

look after you

2006-10-10T23:12:00.000-06:00

times like these that make me miss people who are close to me. i can only endure times alone for so long. good thing i got this pc put together at home. keeping me occupied at least. things are getting to be really routine too now.. work, break fast, pc time, sleep, and start all over again. need to change things a little. else i'd go berserk! especially if i can't win one single game of chess off of the computer. be safe loves!

little house

2006-10-09T23:01:00.000-06:00

i was at the fray concert a couple of weeks ago at the red rocks amphitheather. most bands here sound awesome playing live. it got a bit cold towards the end but the ambience more than made up for it. check them out - the fray.

it has gotten colder since last night. it was forecasted to be snowing tonight, but i haven't seen a single flake yet. honestly i can wait. the sight of the first snow fall of the year has always been a wonder, an inspiration almost. but it gets old pretty quick. especially when the bitter coldness sets in. a change of seasons are inevitable i know. i wish i'm sounding too negative.

today's monday was a stretch to say the least. survived it nonetheless. hope the week would turn out for the better. i'm tired of chasing.

shotgun blues

2006-10-07T16:30:00.000-06:00

in my conscious state, i've always wondered how it's like to be consumed by something overwhelming and over-powering beyond comprehension.. hate, love, sadness, joy.. loneliness. i despise you, naruto. then again, you live in pages on manga. i wonder how is it in real life?

i alone

2006-10-06T23:57:00.000-06:00

so much trust that has been asked of me. what more can i do to make you want to believe in me? to want to acknowledge me?

or is this just a way of you saying that i'm.. unwanted?

to love again is hard for me. to want to continue on, grasping the reality of this un-real, is even harder.

just want you to know this.

selling the drama

2006-10-05T09:33:00.000-06:00

i don't really have anything important to discuss in this space. ramadhan so far has been great and blessed. it helps also that i work indoors with air-conditioning and all. the humidity, or lack there of, has been the one factor that is killing me though. it's dry here.. with thin air. but it's not as bad as the first couple of years that i moved here. been re-hydrating my body thoroughly during the night. and i can say that i'm living quite the spirit of the holy month more here than i've ever been back home.. in the sense that i seem to have more time for prayers and to reflect and consuming just good enough portion of food and drink. the main factor that i can offer you is that i'm not being tempted by the absurdly many pasar ramadhans that offer ridiculously lots of delicious food and drinks for break fast (or for gorging the living daylight of out you for the rest of the night). *sigh* i miss home.

lightning crashes

2006-10-04T08:51:00.000-06:00

it smells like fall. it hadn't dawned on me of that fact even with leaves turning into glorious yellow and orange and red. and for the fact that it has gotten colder this past week or so. there's always a nostalgic feeling that comes with the changing of seasons. either it's the sight or sound or smell or the music that you can hear in the air. i get excited most of the time, but there are moments that would linger and plunge me into the depth of depression. and the toilet bowl is clogged. now that sucked big time!

she is

2006-09-29T20:38:00.000-06:00

sometimes i can be so indecisive to a fault. i spent 33 minutes at wal-mart yesterday, looking at corelle dishes (yes, dishes). not looking at the many colorful designs that they come in, but whether to get a set (of 16 or 24 pieces.. those include dinner plates, dessert plates, cereal bowls, and mugs.. with matching flowery motives.. i can't believe i still remember these), or just two dinner plates (as the original intent was). i had to take a break from squeezing my living brain cells pondering over some freakin' corelle dishes by checking out some dvds. and finally decided on the two dinner plates. why am i telling you this again?

disarm

2006-09-29T00:15:00.000-06:00

so much had happened since the last time i wrote in this space. and i'm not gonna even attempt to recall any of them. because i can't possible do it. remember.. i have a short attention span. that statement in itself would've been an oxymoron *better be careful now.. people might think you're smarter than you look* nonetheless, most of the things that had happened were mostly positives. maybe i could post some pictures later too. i'm back at where i was before august. sometimes it's a huge relief to resume normalcy in life. it's some sort of a reality check i guess. but you do need to get some adrenaline rushes in your life. else it'll become dangerously too rigid and boring. and that is when people start making nonsensical comments and start doing stupid things. no.. i'm not talking about you lah! i said some people. heck, there are more than 200 million people in america alone.. so 'some' can mean two or 16 people, and might not include you. so chill! i guess i have one thing to write after all.. i've done alot of air travel and after all the travels i've made so far, i've never had my luggages come out first onto the carousel. what are the chances of that happening? well, my friends, i've come to think that i probably have a quarter of a chance of that happening (maybe less).. assuming there are 200 passengers on the flight, and each with two check-in luggage. couldn't care less really. have a great weekend k! be good now.

airbag

2006-08-01T19:21:00.000-06:00

this is impossible. moving sucks. to say the least. i haven't signed the lease to the apartment yet. and i was supposed to move in already today. i'm technically a homeless now. kinda sad that. not to mention scary too. there's no quiet corner to retreat to when things go horribly wrong and all that you wanted to do was be alone (and sulk). i'm gonna make a big fuss about how i was 'inconvenienced' and (perhaps) 'disturbed' by the lack of urgency that the apartment's admin people had been in getting my lease application approved. hopefully by the end of this 'fiasco'.. a) they'd still give me the uber cool apartment, b) with a super discount to boot (at least for the first month), c) urm.. ? ahh i'll think of something else too. seriously though, i should probably press them to give me a one month reprieve and let me move in later in august when i get back from my vacation. as it is now, i'll be paying the first month rental, stay for four days total, and fly home for a vacation til the end of the month, anyway. that's fair, don't you think?

climbing up the walls

2006-07-27T18:14:00.000-06:00

it's official! i'll be moving in to an apartment early next month. checked out the place and it's sweet! and it's very close to the workplace. a bit pricey, but i think i just have to learn with it. should start cutting back on expenses.

some days are just unbelievably hectic. like today. i wish i'm on vacation already.

i need a haircut. the climate is so dry here that it'll make my hair stand straight up. more like a straw broom than a mop-head. i wonder if that cute hairdresser's back at work.. hmm?

take it easy now. have a good and safe weekend!

treefingers

2006-07-25T18:57:00.000-06:00

i need to move out by the end of the month. that's a few days from today. and true to form, i haven't done anything remotely close to moving, ie. look for a new place, packing, etc. i might start doing all that tomorrow. wednesday looks like a nice day to start thinking about the impending move.

on another note, i am so looking forward to the vacation in august. we're gonna be having a huge family reunion during my dear sister's wedding reception and later on for my brother's graduation from uia. then.. then.. i'm just gonna kick back and do nothing. maybe for a day or two.

i have something monumental to do as well. wish me luck.

running to stand still

2006-07-13T17:34:00.000-06:00

hola! i guess i've been one terrible slacker (in the sense that i haven't been updating this blog). then again, i think nobody cares. and i've been drafting and deleting this freakin entry for the tenth time already. so, trying to make this short (and sweet.. as sweet as mango and sticky rice dessert maybe).. hmm.

zizou is still my hero
be going home for a few weeks in august
need to move out to a new apartment by the end of the month
my tennis game sucks big time right now
a colleague of mine is in critical condition.. prayers for him
gotta stop eating instant noodles at midnight
must sleep early tonight

i know i have some other topics to touch, but true to form, they would always elude me when it matters.

take care now.

life wasted

2006-05-29T08:40:00.000-06:00

okeh.. let me try to recap what has been a very eventful weekend in my travels to the midwest.. in no particular order, of course (i like to keep this recap abstract for the simple reason that i might forget something and add them in later, and because i can).. and a piece of traveling advice, book yourself into hotels that offer you free wireless internet access.. it makes your whole travel an experience!

05/26 - decided that i'm not gonna be frustrated and pissed off and turn back and fly home to denver after a terrible miscalculation on my part (driver license expired.. no rental car); woke up at 10am with a throbbing headache (a direct result of going to bed at 5am); looked at the option of taking the express bus from the union station in chicago to madison (the union station is a few blocks east from the hotel that i stayed in in chicago.. now in chicago terms, a block could mean 1/4 of a mile!; checked out the distance myself and there's no way i'd be hauling my luggage through almost a mile of chicago's crowd; and after about 1/2 hour of looking around for the bus stop, finally found it (it's at the union station canal st.; met the RPI contingent along the way, and said hi ( i think); my head was still throbbing and starving; took a cab with the intention of going for some lamb briani at devon; the cabbie, tony, convinced my to go to a persian restaurant (reza's off foster) instead.. well he was nice enough so we had lunch together (bought him lunch) and had a good chat; he's greco-lebanese and been in the states for about 20 years, and sounded so happy that he finally received his US citizenship (i'm understating this a bit.. he was ecstatic to get his citizenship!; then tony drove me back to the hotel for me to pick my stuff and dropped me off at the union station ( he didn't wanna take any fare but i gave him 20 bucks anyway.. the trip could've cost me well over 40 bucks); got onto the bus that took me to madison, wisconsin.. feels like the bus rides from jb to kl, only on a much nicer, cleaner, and better-smelling bus; got to the university's memorial union around 8.30pm, and got a ride on the hotel's shuttle to the hotel, checked in and settled down; then i went for a little stroll to the memorial union (3 miles) to cap off the night; it felt like it's gonna be a good weekend after all.. and my headache's receded.. nice!

05/27 - the day after.. naturally i woke up late after another late night (not because i became a year older the night before); missed the opening ceremony of the midwest games 2006 on purpose; walked to the randall center and met up with some new friends.. abg aziz and his family, khalifa and her family, and a few msd officers from chicago; found out that my first round match was at 10am, and not at 11.15am as was originally scheduled.. luckily for me, got a ride back to the hotel and to the nielsen tennis center from haya who was on her way there as well (big thanks!); met ima there too and she has been the nicest person; my first round match was against shamsul from george washington university (funny.. 2 years ago i beat his college buddy syed), second round i played anas from penn state university, and in the quarterfinal i played syed muaz from the university of southern california (or was he from stanford? can't remember.. sorry bud!); all in all a good day's of work; had dinner at a korean restaurant nearby the hotel and slept like a baby

05/28 - since my semifinal match won't be until noon, i figured i'd sleep in for a little bit, get ready and watch some soccer matches, then off to the tennis courts; did none of the predetermined plans because i was asked to umpire the men's doubles final match (i only did it because ima asked me); the semifinals took longer than they were scheduled, so we had to push back the doubles final, the singles semifinals and final to later times; when i finally took to the court, it was already 2.30pm (methinks), and i played shafiq from rpi; then almost right away, i played syed in the finals, the same guy i beat a coupla years back in purdue; i took the title after a hard fought match and capped off what had been a very nice weekend in madison.. a sense of an accomplishment after the 'failure' in purdue (and a nice birthday present too!); attended the performance night and the prize presentation ceremony at the UW union theater, and basked in my 2-minute of glory.. for the first time in a few days, it feels good to be 30

i've posted a few pictures at www.flickr.com/photos/crazycorpse. while i'm figuring out how to link the flickr site to my blog, do check it out k!

world wide suicide

2006-05-26T02:43:00.000-06:00

i'm writing this entry from the friendly confines of the club quarters in chicago. this last piece has been the best thing that has happened to me in the last 12 hours. within the last 12 hours, i've..

1. missed my flight to chicago
2. been lucky to get on the next available flight out
3. gotten onto the flight and got delayed for about 1 1/2 hours because of the inclement weather
4. had the bumpiest flight ever.. it's like a rollercoaster experience
5. been so frustrated because couldn't get any rental car because my driver's license expires today (should've checked this out)

now i have to revamp the whole trip plan since i'm without a car. contemplated of getting on a flight back to denver asap, but what i need is time to think it through. i need some sleep first. i'll update this as we go along. maybe i'll stick in a few piccies of chicago. mixed feelings right now. this is a test.

take care.. and have a nice weekend. and not forgetting.. thanks for the beautiful wishes :)

testify

2006-05-24T17:49:00.001-06:00

i haven't been as motivated as i've been before at work. i'm attributing this lackadaisical attitude to, 1) over-work, and 2) eating disorder. i wish i could elaborate more on the two factors, but i think i'll be better off to leave work now (while nobody's looking). one day perhaps i'd shed some light on the two. til then.. hmm.. i'm sure you have better things to do lah. btw, i believe there was a typo in the digest (hey it happens to the best of us too).. should've been 'scrutiny', and not 'serutiny'. thanks :)

voice of the voiceless

2006-05-23T10:12:00.000-06:00

i felt a terrible soreness in my body when i woke up this morning. is this a sign of aging? i woke up anyway after debating whether i should call in sick or something in that nature. so much for thinking myself to be a consumate professional. but with the focal review's nearing, i'd well be advised to at least show up at work and to at least show a little bit of effort at work.

does anyone knows the word 'serutiny'? personally i don't think that's even a real word. but what do i know, right.. . let me know.

how can anyone be incredibly honest about anything, with anyone? i guess someone decided that it's utterly impossible, hence coined the phrase 'white lies'. it means it's ok to not tell the truth in order to not hurt people lah. perplexed.

gotta get back to work. and i really wanna know what 'serutiny' means. take care now.

calm like a bomb

2006-05-22T09:12:00.000-06:00

yesterday was a day of mixed emotions. well.. more like a day defined by a single event. i got pulled over for speeding 20 over. and it was due to my stupidity really. or my judgement was somewhat impaired by the dehydration that i felt after two indoor soccer games. could've brought in some water. and shouldn't have felt like i could get away with speeding on the road just because i have a radar detector. i need to re-evaluate how i view my life.. the way i need to manage my attitude and temperament, and gear my aggression accordingly.

hope the day's been kind to you. stay safe now. ciao!

inside job

2006-05-21T00:23:00.000-06:00

funny how the best-est of ideas that i get always come to me when i'm in the loo or when i'm praying. funny that, huh. can't really put my finger to what could've contributed to these phenomenon. and i'm not about to embark on such endevour to understand it. i figure i have more pressing matters to think about at the moment.

with the world cup looming ever closer, the fever can be felt across the globe (except in america, maybe). a couple of local channels have been airing more and more highlights of it which i greatly appreciate (and they can thank me for being a loyal subscriber). being here for almost 5 years, i have to get used to football not being the focus of the nation. nonetheless america have made a remarkable stride in bringing the sport to prominence, in the context of popularity and interest, to the mass american population. a thankless task really. you got to admire the determination and attitude though. i hope they do well in germany.

i haven't watched 'the da vinci code' movie yet, but i'll be watching it soon enough. been gearing myself to be disappointed with the production since i've already read the book. and based on a few adaptations that i've seen over the years, ie initial-D, that would help with my assessment later on. but that doesn't mean i won't like it.. i might still. i'm not such a harsh critic as long as i can be entertained, which usually doesn't take much. and especially after shelling out $8.50 for it. makes me want to see x-men 3 more and more.

i really need to get some sleep. stay in good health. take it easy k!

english country garden

2006-05-18T17:50:00.000-06:00

this morning i was contemplating about driving to chicago instead of flying there. for a variety of reasons of course. but thought better of it and decided against it. reasons for not doing it being, 1) i'll be driving alone, 2) it's too freakin far (~1000 miles from longmont to chicago.. one way), 3) and i don't have too much time (just have friday and tuesday off), and 4) driving through nebraska and iowa isn't exactly a good idea of enjoying the scenery (they're flat as far as your eyes can see!). i might change my mind and still do it though, but don't bet your house on it.

the day's been pretty hectic. honestly i think i've done a great job 'hiding' from the hustle and bustle of the disc drive industry in the last few days. but work's work. ain't that bad really, just having a difficult time understanding some issues that i'm not at all familiar with. and trying to do failure analysis on a non-failing part (the irony of it). at least i got to pick up on some new stuff.

i guess it's pretty much a done deal with my sister's wedding. nikah in june (06-06-06) and wedding reception in august (08-12-06). unfortunately i will only be able to be back for the latter. this would be one big celebration.. the first in the family. very happy :) well.. stay out of trouble and have a great weekend. God bless!

holiday

2006-05-17T17:37:00.000-06:00

i'm going to chicago again at the end of this month. should be a good trip. another chance to get to know the city, and not just passing through. and i'll be participating the 2006 midwest games at the university of wisconsin in madison, wisconsin. attended my first midwest games in 2004 in purdue university and feels like i have an unfinished business.. i lost in the men's singles tennis final that day. disappointed really. hope to rectify that this time around. and will also be competing in chess.. now this would be interesting! i'd be glad to get some time off from work.

barcelona have won the champions' league after beating arsenal in the final in paris. not even close to being a spectacular match, but the best team in europe in the last year won it. my brother would be ecstatic with this. and it's his birthday today! happy birthday, bro!

longview

2006-05-08T17:05:00.000-06:00

i haven't been feeling too well these past few days. i think i caught the cold. true to form, the weather here in colorado is predictably unpredictable. but i'll live, insyaAllah. and i've been busy at work since i got back from singapore (that's about 4 weeks ago). haven't done my expense report when i should. i really need to get that done. today.

there are so much emotion surrounding by being right now.. from the highs to the lows. feels like i'm having a constant flow of adrenaline rush going through my veins. maybe this is what it's like getting to the next stage (decade) of your being. or maybe i'm just being overly sensitive and a bit paranoid. i've always try imagining how it's gonna be like when that time comes, but nothing beats the real thing. it has really been quite an experience.

as plans go, i might be going back home in september for a coupla weeks. a family celebration :) hope it'll all go well. God willing. and God bless.

doesn't remind me

2006-04-10T23:59:00.000-06:00

so i'm a bit high-spirited tonight (i'm back at work and it's 3 minutes to midnight). i feel sharp, maybe it's because of my diet - low carbs (cutting down on my rice intake at sakura's from 2 bowls of rice to one) and high protein (been downing protein drinks for breakfast - and high intensity workouts (indoor football 4 nights a week). perhaps i just wanna feel good about myself come may. i need to get some sleep too. night2:)

hazel eyes

2006-04-09T23:07:00.000-06:00

i know i'm in love with her. and perhaps she loves me too.

it's too sweet of her to wish me good night...... especially when she's the one who's going to sleep.

i love you, babe.

now, if only i can say that to her.... hmm.

well, do take it easy k.. night2 beautiful.

be yourself

2006-04-09T02:16:00.000-06:00

i've been slacking off quite a bit, haven't i? no excuses. just plain lazy really. got back from an 8-week stint in singapore on monday. as always, it was an exhausting experience.. keep remembering why i opted out of working in a factory every time i went there. all's good though. took the chance to see family and friends in singapore and malaysia. glad to report that everybody's doing well :) now to the million dollar question.. no, i didn't get married or engaged. still working on that one. and i'll leave it at that for now. gosh i really don't know what else to write. a bad case of writer's block i guess. well as the title suggests - be yourself! (and hopefully i'll start writing close-to regularly next time). take care ya!

dinner lady arms

2006-02-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

i've been in singapore for about two weeks now. good to be back here. there's something about this place that comforts me. maybe it's close enough to home. maybe it's the air (?!). i'm sick right now. diarrhea. sorry to have mentioned that. but i really haven't been sick due to this in a looong time. it's been day-two and i've been feeling a lot better today though. now, if only i can be a bit more careful with what i eat.. that is hard to do. the new job is also going well. a lot of people at the plant here still see me working in the previous capacity. but they've been coming around in acknowledging my new role and that has been very positive. i guess it helps alot to have an advantage of being a 'local' among peers here, and not just a representative, a warm body, from the states who don't quite understand the attitude, the work ethics, and the temperament of the locals. now having said that, i kinda miss working back in the states because i think i've been putting too many hours at work here. kinda lazy like that. i'll be going home this weekend for a cousin's wedding. she'll be the fourth among us cousins who's getting married. that leaves me, my sister, and my two brothers, the eldest among the cousins, who are not even close to getting hitched. this should make for a good family reunion then! to tell the truth, i don't think anyone of us gives a rat's ass about it. it seems that everybody else is overly concerned for us. funny. okeh-kokeh. hope you're always be in good health. take care ya!

february stars

2006-02-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

hola! hope you're in excellent health as always. i'm good. woke up with a tingling, throbbing headache. at least i got to put in some sleep time.. a long way to get over this jetlag. the trans-pacific flight was smooth. never been a fussy traveller, me thinks, so to be getting the kind of service and comfort during the flight was great. flying business trip is definitely the way to go. oh, someone had updated my travel profile and put me requesting halal meals on the flight from seattle to narita. while that was absolutely a noble thought, the meals i received suck big time! i had more like vegetarian meals during the flight. i could've changed to one of the normal meals, but didn't bother. couldn't be bothered. plus they ran out of the japanese obenta meals, which would be my preference anyways. this is what we call 'takde rezeki'. and apparently some people at the traveldesk like me (i guess) because i was pleasantly surprised to know that i've been booked into one of the better rooms here. bliss i tell you! the room's on the south tower and is a bit smaller than the rooms on the north tower. the interior design points to a more contemporary design (the bathroom design, flat-screen tv, and a bose system) with a touch of elegance (hardwood finish and a lounge sofa). the balcony's facing the pan-pac and the construction site that is the new mrt circle line, not exactly a good sight. but counting my blessings every day nonetheless. i've been debating whether i wanna go to kl for the weekend. i know i wanted to, but this headache's killing me. dunno yet. i might spend the weekend here and head up to kl (or, jb) next weekend. till the next entry.. take care and au revoir!

novocaine

2006-01-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

i owe you guys my orlando experience (believe me it's being drafted!). just couldn't find a time to recap. but i will. someday. weird how busy (yeah, for real) i get especially when i'm getting ready to leave here. mind you i'll be away for work still, but i won't have too much access to the equipments/tools that i'll be needing. i even forgot that i've been blogging (on and off) for a year already! gosh... (in napolean dynamite tone). thanks for the reminder, friend! i hope i'll write more meaningful entries in the next year. and, i guess i'll be seeing you soon. take care now!

whatsername

2006-01-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

alright.. the brand new entry as promised.. on a silver platter some more muahaha! ok. so, what had happened in the last few days.. in no particular order: hari raya haji, footie tournament, work, and i'll-think-of-another-one.

hari raya haji was like any other day here. woke up early for a change because i had to get ready and drive 40 minutes to broomfield for the eid prayer. got to the gathering place on time (at 8am), but of course the prayer didn't start until 8.30am-ish. then off to work. stopped by borders in longmont for breakfast (didn't bother to hang around at the prayer place).. had mocha latte and a slice of cheesecake. heavenly. got swamped at work. missed lunch. left work late, around 7pm. off to denver.. mee rebus and nasi impit at rose's (thank you!), and laksa penang at kak siti z's place (thank you!). got stuck at the latter's place till late. had to cancel the long trip to greeley (sorry princess!). went home and watched scarlett johansson on letterman. re-read 'lone wolf and cub: volume 2' for a little bit. and slept. all in all, a pretty hectic day. oh, tuang aikido class too.

the footie tournament is gonna be in orlando, florida this coming weekend (we're gonna have monday off, for martin luther king's day). it's a 3-on-3 competition, and i'll be playing in the co-ed league. we're scheduled to play seven games, at the minimum, under the sun at disney world. apparently, my teammates have been playing in this competition for a few years already. most of them will be going there with their families. hence the rental house. and i'll be staying with them there. the trip cost me 40000 miles from my united airlines frequent flyer account and an additional five bucks, as opposed to 700 or 800 dollars that would've cost me had i bought it anywhere else. accommodation's provided and i need to get rental car. a damn great deal if you ask me! it should make for a great time-off. i'll snap some pictures ok!

work's been more hectic now. the program's picking up pace in production and the quantity that are being tested in reliability. it has been a relatively easy program so far. easy as in not having any major issues that had plagued other programs prior. now having said that, i hope nothing's gonna blow up in my face tomorrow hehe.. from my standpoint, i've learnt quite a bit more about the design process of a hard drive, having gotten myself involved in numerous technical assignments, and projects management. for the latter, i think i'm beginning to love the adrenaline rush by getting some people excited, or pissed off, by my reports. or they just can't handle a sound engineering judgement from moi! we'll never know. and people here are still talking about the impact of maxtor's acquisition by seagate. i guess, seagate employees should feel a bit better about their job security, but you just can never tell. God works in mysterious ways. and i might be going to singapore again on another business trip at the end of february. nothing's confirmed yet though. will let you know.

and i can't think of another thing that i wanted to write about. hmm.. i think i've forgotten how it was like to be in love. dunno. do take care of yourself k! stay safe now.

lady picture show

2006-01-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

(this was from January 6th. 2006) i'm writing this entry, well, trying to write this entry, from the confines of my work cube. it's been a hectic few days at work, plus been busying myself with a few 'extra-curricular' activities. to a point that i forgot that hari raya haji is coming up next week. and since it's most likely going to fall on tuesday, i really don't have any celebrations planned. this is one of the many things that i miss home for. also one of my cousins is getting married on the third day of hari raya. i'm sure it's going to be very festive indeed. hopefully my sister with the fancy sony t-33 digicam would snap some pictures this time!

of the 'extra-curricular' activities that i mentioned earlier.. those include archery and aikido. spent about 700 dollars on a bowtech compound bow and accessories and arrows before new year's. i wasn't planning on it really. but got hooked after a couple of visits to the archery range. it really is therapeutic. and it helps with my focus and concentration as well. plus i'd probably go out elk or deer hunting in fall. now that would be something else!

and i've always been interested in aikido. since high school to be exact (no, not from those cheesy steven segal movies.. well except for 'under siege'). ok.. i've been interested in a lot of other things too, but i figure this is something i can do relative easy, heh. the study of aikido itself involves a lot shinto understanding and influences. this, however, should not be a deterrent to the actual physical and mental practices of it. keep your objectives firmly in sight and it's a great way to (commencing on January 11th. 2006).. hmm.. i kinda lost track of what i wanted to say here.

anyways.. i'm gonna write a brand new entry after this. so, i'm gonna leave this as is. selamat hari raya aidiladha!

srikandi cintaku

2005-12-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

how do you know whether you've had a good year or not? no, really. because i don't know. this is a very subjective matter i guess. someone could perhaps been in a lot of predicaments throughout the year, but still have a brilliant year by his/her account because he/she chose to remember the fondest instance of the year instead of all the tragedies. continue living and learning. laugh more and love more next year. au revoir 2005!

the tourist

2005-12-22T17:15:00.000-07:00

i received a bottle of red wine from the program director today, for being a part of a successful program progession. the program's on course for an on-time delivery despite having the schedule pulled in by a couple of months. ahh the perks of being a member of a core team. just so you know, it's a bottle of kendall-jackson pinot noir. i think i've got a christmas present for my room-mate.

yesterday started with a bang! almost literally.. when i saw the company's announcement that it will be acquiring a competitor for almost usd2-billion (pending sec approval and whatnots of course). think about it.. the leading disc drive company in the world is gonna gobble up the third largest disc drive company without even blinking. and there we were.. bashing the same company across our board rooms in the last 2-3 years only to come around and say that we're gonna absorb them into our existence. the irony of it all. i'm pretty sure it makes financial sense somewhere along the way though. i'm just glad that i'm still employed.

same time last year, i embarked on a fitness regime that lasted for almost 3 months. and, no, i neither got a rock-hard abs nor ridiculously big biceps, like i 'aspire' to have, but i'm very sure i've become more fit. it's more about how you feel at the end of it all. watch your diet and live an active lifestyle. and laugh more too! i'll be having 2 4-day weekends (christmas and new year's) and i have no idea what i'd do. heck, i could easily do nothing at all but i figure i might as well do something or go some place. really don't know what to do yet. i'm still stuck at work when more than half of the people here have bailed out since lunchtime. maybe they have a life out of work. i do too and i'm ready to call it a day.

now you behave ok!

bad day

2005-12-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

had a bad day again

she said i would not understand

she left a note and said "i'm sorry, i had a bad day again."

spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace

smeared the lipstick on her face

slammed the door and said "i'm sorry, i had a bad day again."

and she swears there's nothing wrong

i hear her playing that same old song

she puts me up and puts me on

and had a bad day again

she said i would not understand

she left a note it said, "i'm sorry, i had a bad day again."

'bad day' - fuel (something like human)

sad statue

2005-12-16T16:34:00.000-07:00

are donuts motivation enough for anyone to be at work early on fridays? maybe. for some reason, the allure of heavily, sugar-y frosted pastries is just irresistable. alrighty then. the past week has seen the draw for the 2006 FIFA world cup.. perhaps the single greatest sporting event to be held to date. all of the major footballing nations have been drawn into favorable groups and should negotiate 'small fry' nations with ease. and hence making the kockout stages looking like a footballing fantasy tournament! my two picks, argentina (again) and the netherlands, were drawn into the same group C, by far the 'group of death' of the tournament. ivory coast and serbia&montenegro are by no means pushovers and could potentially cause upsets to the two favorites. and i have an argentina-netherlands final on the cards.. a repeat of the 1978 finals in which argentina won on home soil. this time around, though, i think the netherlands will win it all. perhaps the longest shot to ever win the world cup. oh, the defending world champions brazil will fall to their bitter south american rivals argentina in the semi-finals. perhaps carlitos tevez, a hero with the brazilian champions corinthians, would put one over his brazilians counterparts, the irony of it all. it should be a spectacle!!

high voltage

2005-12-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

ok.. this is my third attempt at updating this blog in awhile. and i got a feeling that i'd probably publish this one later (we'll see). anyways, i wanted to write about my short trip to the uk during the thanksgiving weekend (that's about two weeks ago.. talking about procastinating.. heh!). so, yeah, i was in plymouth during that weekend and managed to 'achieve' the two goals that i'd set out to do.. 1) met my dear sis, and 2) went to the stonehenge.

i didn't realise how much i miss mcwu until i saw her at the bus station in plymouth. she seemed to have lost some weight, but i still could tell that it's her from afar in that unmistakable walking style of hers. couldn't help but smile. plymouth and the rest of the southwest of the uk and wales had just been hit by a snowstorm, the first snow fall in those regions in the last 4-5 years. and obviously it was a big deal to some people, especially these malaysians (mcwu and her friends), well most of them at least, who hadn't seen the real snow before. kinda amused by all this really, but i was perhaps as ecstatic (read jakun), if not more, when i first experienced a snow fall during my adult life (that was during my college days in arkansas). so, i was cheering them on when we were at dartmoor that same night, in the pitch of darkness, doing snow angels on 2-3 inches of snow and trying to figure out how to 'roll' snow into our own snowman (which impressively they did), while i was freezing my butt off, hungry, jetlagged and wishing that i was someplace else. in the end, everybody had a blast and that was the best part of all. kids.. hehe.

had a long chat with mcwu, in between great meals and trying to finish reading memoirs of a geisha. i think i'd got to know my sister a little bit better as a person. she's opinionated and strong and smart and funny and independent. a bit on the manja-side though.. after all she is the baby in the family, but not in the traditional sense. the more i look at her, the more she reminds me of my other siblings who just don't like to be told what to do. and in some unconscious ways, we are always there for each other. she's alright.

oh yeah, the stonehenge (or whatever's left there).. hmm.. imagine big, bulky slab of stones that were positioned in a circular arrangement in the middle of an open field. according to legends (or the guide commentary), the geometrical arrangement of these stones had, have, significant spiritual impact on locals (i think this much is obvious). while the true reason(s) why these stones were erected in such a manner in the first place has not yet been explained, many speculations have been made, including a kind of alien 'science project' and something about merlin's doing (sorry, forgot). it remains one of the most intriguing historical sites in the world. i just couldn't really concentrate on the commentary since it was so windy and freakin freezing. the 'gang' seemed to be in high spirits though.. or they were more interested in the sheeps grazing an adjacent field.. i just could tell. kids.. hehe.

all in all, it was a pretty relaxing trip for me (ok, i could've missed the flight back, but that's another story). enjoyed the time i spent with my sister, and glad that she's coping well with everything that's been going on. she'll be alright. enjoyed the company and hospitality of everybody - leli, sophie, mcqin, mcsal, lex, azeem, shuk, adik shuk, zul, dr. fariza. we should do this more often. love you all! so, there.. my trip report. hope you're in good health as always. stay warm, and stay safe. later!

save you

2005-11-23T17:46:00.000-07:00

i'm off to a far away place now.. so, please behave ya! who knows.. i'd get you a t-shirt or somethin. ciao!

ordinary people

2005-11-15T21:10:00.000-07:00

it's late and i'm still here at work. it sucks when your experimental data shows significant measurement discrepancies. it doesn't help also to be working on questionable, less reliable experimental subjects. now, do i wanna 'massage' the data a tad bit and make it believable? or, do i wanna give a straight, realistic data that will get some people 'excited' in the morning? hehe.. the joy of having to work on real-life, expensive, risky, life changing (or not) assignments. gotta love this job! and to those who are still in school, stay put as long as you can!! it's freakin scary out here!

my toothache turned out to be nothing more than a sore jaw. (huh?!). exactly. i think i slept wrong or something. or i haven't been feeling it since i stopped my daily rigorous chocolate indulgence (leftovers from halloween). time will tell i guess. and i think i should start taking care of my body more. i'm not even 30 yet and i'm struggling to recover from prolong physical workouts. i've been feeling a sustained soreness and/or tiredness at joints, and a general feeling of exhaustion through the days. is that bad? perhaps i could cut back on my late shows musings (jay leno and david letterman and craig ferguson), save the occasional appearances of hot stars, ie charlize theron or jessica alba, and get some quality sleep time. we'll see how it goes.

and i would strongly recommend john legend's album 'get lifted', when and if you're thinking about getting yourself a new album. it's a wonderful r&b album bla, bla, bla.. there. i'm just bad with words. sorry. well, the album's worth buying. there, again.

okeh-kokeh.. wishing you excellent health all around, and hope the day's been kind to you (so far). stay safe now.

indifference

2005-11-14T16:25:00.000-07:00

what hurt more - a toothache or a pimple in the nostril? i can't really tell right now because i have both. double bummer. and i got a chipped toe nail too that got aggravated last night after being stepped on during footie. that bastard. to be fair, he probably didn't know. and i did kicked his shins in anger a few times. but that bastard.

hope you're in excellent health. do take care now k!

angel

2005-11-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

i've moved into the core team room recently. no, seriously, kinda big deal to me. and kinda understanding all about being in the corridors of power here.. where many important decisions that involve millions of dollars are made everyday. imagine the pressure, albeit i'm just a pawn in this business. i didn't wanna move in at first, but here i am being surrounded by some high level executives in the company, me acting all cool and all knowing. after all, i am the program's systems engineer.. it's a given that i should know everything about the program.

i had a decent raya celebration here in colorado. got in late to the eid prayer but didn't miss the prayer. then off to work. oh, and i had my maroon baju melayu and sampin on the whole day. people were asking me question about my attire for that whole day, which i was more than happy to explain. then off to rose's house for some laksa, and musa's house for some nasi minyak and satay. saturday was a crazy day.. lost in the second round of the denver clay court tournament in the morning and off to golden to meet up with tyiara and csm's gang. while there, met up with kak azie and family. had some bihun rebus. then convoyed with 6 other cars from golden to rose's open house in denver. later that day, went to bl's for a gathering with the longmont gang. prepared some chicken satay and kuah kacang earlier (bl volunteered to grill the satay). the nasi impit didn't come out as expected, so had to ditch it. kakting prepared some nasi lemak (special request from karwei) and callie prepared some chicken and beef rendang. plenty for the gang.

i think i was extremely exhausted from the whole excursion that i fell asleep on the couch during the party. well, it was worth the exhaustion. eidul fitri in colorado 2005.

the national anthem

2005-11-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

hola! hope you're in excellent health and better company. times have been rough this past few weeks.. on the personal front and on the professional front. some things are better left unspoken about. or when the right time permits. trying times are what make life meaningful. now having said that, i don't mind having nothing to do and worry about stuff at times too. i'm a slacker, remember? i've been craving for my mom's singgang for the last three weeks or so. quite sad i might add. but enough to console a battered heart. comfort food. how long can anyone live on past history? and not having moved on? well, sometimes the past comes back as a reminder of who you were before, and whether you've become a better person since. sometimes it's just nostalgia. i'd go back to where i feel, felt, safe and comfortable during these trying times. and it's not always the best thing to do. whatever that can take you out of being down and depressed. hope you've had a wonderful hari raya celebration. do take care ok.

back in black

2005-10-21T19:28:00.000-06:00

i'm in no mental condition to be writing about serious matters right now (not like i've been writing anything serious before). alot of things are pissing me off right now, on top of being overly and ridiculously swamped at work. i think i've perfected the art of living alone abroad to be able to shut down unwarranted, angry, upsetting thoughts, as to not to have to eat other people alive. i am cool. i wanna think things through in a calm and collected manner. like an educated, civilized adult would do. yeah, that's it. because right now i don't know what to think. or, maybe i haven't had dinner yet... ?!

no way out

2005-09-28T18:58:00.000-06:00

i don't know how to do an album review, but i'm currently listening to the new foo fighters album - in your honor. it's a 2-disc set of 10 songs each. the first cd containing fast tempo, hard rock numbers that could make sure i'm awake while driving to work in the morning.. check out no way back and best of you. the second cd contains slower, ballady numbers.. especially virginia moon (or was it cold day in the sun?!). anyways, i like it. and it's recommended that you check 'em out too. had an offsite group lunch and staff meeting at johnny carino's, an italian restaurant. had to pay for our own lunch *sigh* but at least the food was excellent. i'm seriously considering taking cooking lessons.. culinary art. that would probably widen my cooking repertoire beyond fried eggs and chicken kurma. with my newly acquired skills, i could perhaps open up a malay-themed restaurant in new york city or somewhere classy like that. hungry now. take care k! ps: i believe i could smell again, yeay!

in your honor

2005-09-27T17:33:00.000-06:00

i think i really need to see a doctor about the cold. it's been persistent and it's bugging me enough now. and i miss mom's cooking. another vacation would be great! but that's not gonna happen anytime soon. i bought a wireless bluetooth headset that cost me a limb. felt like a spaceman wearing the headset. it's nothing to shout about of course, but i feel cool and special when i have it on. the wrx needs servicing and i haven't set an appointment yet with the mechanics. probably gonna do that tomorrow. united won against benfica.. that'll show 'em critics who have been writing my team off. we'll win the champions' league again this year! and i need to shave too. kinda looking like a grizzly bear now. good or bad? dunno. just thought it be interesting to know what your thoughts are. i think i'm gonna go home and sleep. take care.. stay safe ya!

big bang baby

2005-09-26T17:17:00.000-06:00

hola! hope everyone's in excellent health and in good company. i have been sick (still) since i got back to colorado. the cold has been persistent. for the past couple of weeks, i've been eating and drinking with no sense of taste whatsoever. kinda weird still that i haven't lost any appetite (hmm?!). which is good.. methinks. anyways, i've promised a certain someone to go see the doctor on tuesday (standard mountain time) if i don't feel better. feeling better is a state of mind. alrighty then.. to recap my week, i'm gonna list everything down in no alphabetical and/or significance order;

1. got back to denver on sunday, 09/18/05 at 3pm; my roomie and his gf picked me up at the airport; was expecting he'd come with the wrx, but he turned out with the nissan.. ah well
2. at which we went straight to westminster for a 4pm indoor soccer match (it was actually at 5pm and we lost).. i figured i might as well tire myself now, go home for supper, shower, and tido, and try not to wake up at midnight and can't sleep anymore, went to bed around 10pm
3. i did wake up.. three times, at 12.30am, 2am, and 4am.. with the latter causing me to stay awake till the following night; the cold's killing me.. and the gas price! (i filled up the wrx for $3.3/gallon, which brought the total up to $43.. and i received a shell hat for that.. some PR work there haha!!)
4. went to work at the normal hour on monday; met my new boss and was pleasantly surprised to learn that i've got a promotion! alhamdulillah.. i'm now a staff engineer, which keeps me on track on my long-term plan of dominating the world (muahahahaaa!!).. the medium-term plan was to become a vice-president in 6-year's time ( i wonder how much sucking up i have to do now..). anyways, my official title now - electrical design staff engineer
5. apart from #4, i also met with my new program director on my first day back.. it's truly an honor for someone so insignificant to be told that he/she has been handpicked to a major role, such as a program manager.. i hope to see this assignment through til the end with success (and be rewarded with an insanely big bonus check at the end of it); got three projects to complete right away (do'h!), and daily meetings at 8.30am too (do'h! do'h!)
6. played two games of indoor soccer in boulder.. the first one at 6pm (lost), which is ok because i've just finished work, but the second one at 11pm (won), which would proved be a challenge for me to recover from the jetlagged
7. tuesday i woke up late (8.37am) with a throbbing headache and a sore throat, and after finally falling asleep around 2am previously; called my bosses and got the day off, slept til 3pm (bad move); forced myself to wake up and got my car re-insured for $1200 (last insurance expired over a month ago); met tyiara in golden and we had dinner in boulder
8. wednesday back at work; started working on the new job.. one of the more interesting challenges is to get people to work for you.. takes a lot of man-management and respect; one of my main task is to take pieces of work done by many different groups and make sense of it all on a higher level view; had to draft a plan for one of the project in preparation for a core-team meeting on thursday.. it was an especially hard thing to do since i still haven't had a good grasp of what i'm suppose to chase down, but i managed; watched 'lord of war'.. enjoyed it amidst the bluriness of jetlag and flu
9. thursday morning, finally saw leslie at starbucks.. she didn't believe i was away on a business trip 'that long' (ahh well); more of the same as #8; got more questions from the core-team about my presentation, but all in good intentions; also meant that i have a lot more work to do; indoor soccer again in boulder (drew); felt tired and miserable and need another vacation; signed up for a tennis tournament which starts on saturday.. one of the non-usta sanction tournaments, organised by asiaxpress.com (as always, i'll practice when the tournament starts)
10. friday, more relaxed; chased down a few more action items on my list, which is growing at an alarming rate; had korean lunch after the friday prayer; work some more and headed to borders after work.. what's that you say? you've never known someone spending his friday nights at borders before? well, now you have, baby!; stayed up til 2am, finished watching 'cold mountain' on tv.. that proved to be a bummer move (again) and i knew i wouldn't do much at the tennis tournament
11. saturday, big day.. woke up at 6am and commenced my sleep til 8am; got to the utah park tennis complex in aurora at exactly 9.30am, just in time for registration; it was chilly and cloudy and there were a lot of cute asian young ladies around, enough to warm the heart; saw the draw and wasn't particularly nervous, more curious because i don't know how the organizers put together the brackets, with players ranging from the 3.5-level to 4.5-level; called up to play this chinese dude and hammered him 9-0 (we played a 9-game pro-set), poor fella, didn't have a clue of what hit him; then waited for nearly 2 hours and almost fell asleep before got called up to play my second round match, against the #2 seeded player
12. started well enough.. i held my serve, and had a 40-15 advantage on his serve.. then everything went wrong and fast.. by the time i knew it, i was facing match-point.. no fairytale ending here.. simply put, i got hammered myself. i could take heart at the way i played, which was very competitive, but the fact of the matter was i lost 9-1. the more the reason to come back next year.. and it's not just gonna be because of those cute vietnamese girls; had a late lunch with a colleague, randy, who also played but lost earlier in the first-round, at pho75; bought some chicken and frozen paratha from the pakistani store in denver; then met up with rick and nadya (the 6-pair-shoe girl) there and passed them their stuff and chatted for a bit; back to longmont for a party at bl's, met the longmont malaysian gang plus some new friends from singapore and brought adeline and yikhwa along.. stayed til late for more food and chor-tai-tee til 1pm
13. sunday, slept in til 10am; outdoor soccer game in boulder at 11am; got an-almost hero's reception for no particular reason, happy to see friends again nonetheless; lost the game 2-0, after a good fight.. we had our chances, ie. missed an open goal, missed a one-on-one, and hit the post once; the other team could've scored more too but only for our courageous stand-in goalie, shaun (hey, want that job full-time?); went home and rested til 6pm.. another indoor soccer game in westminster (at 7pm). won that game rather convincingly after trailing 0-2 and now we have a chance to finish 3rd.. not bad with this being our first season in the A-league!; played another game afterwards, in goal.. the team that i was standing in for were perhaps impressed with my goal-keeping skills that they asked me to join them for their wednesday game.. i dunno yet.. i'm feeling kinda tired now..

okeh-kokeh.. if you have any questions, leave me a comment ok! take care now :)

knockin' on heaven's door

2005-09-17T22:12:00.000-06:00

i'm writing this from the cozy surroundings of a cyber cafe close to raffles the plaza in singapore, capitol building somewhere. i just checked in for the night, from kl. insyaAllah i'll be flying off to the states early tomorrow morning (yeay... gulp!). my current adventure to the far east is fast drawing to a close. in a sense, it's really hard to leave behind the people (family and friends), especially, and the everyday-routine that you've become accustomed to when you've spent enough time (and been enjoying yourself like nobody's business) in a particular environment. i've always enjoyed my trips to singapore, both for work (it's true, it's true) and pleasure. and i do hope i'll get more chances to come over. in spite of not having achieved the most important task that i came back to do (some people probably have an idea of what i'm talking about), it's been one heck of a trip. met a lot more people than i wanted to (not that's a bad thing, mind you), been to dear friends' wedding (congrats again emirul and neili), met an almost-old-flame from my khir johari days, been to those mini gatherings/reunions that my balik pulau buddies put together, met new, awesome friends in singapore (you know who you are!), heavenly delicacies as always, got myself a godson (babies are absolutely amazing, especially one aqil zarfan), got some work done obviously (i hope), got talking to a couple of pretty and sweet MAS flight attendants (haha!! eat your hearts out!), played tennis well, my mom says i'm fat (can you believe it?!), lost my handphone at almost the end of my trip (moral: don't get pissed off senseless with your dad and leave your handphone lying around), got a new handphone, bought a Lions' rugby jersey (even though they got hammered senseless by the all-blacks), got to sit in an SL 55 AMG merc (i have to get one of these machines.. i'll put this down on my 6-year-vice-president-of-asia-pacific plan), etc. etc. i'll probably list down a bunch more later. all in all, it's been a fun trip this time. definitely physical-draining with an emotional roller-coster - probably this is what we call a joyride. and i won't change a thing if i were to do this all over again. the greatest regrets are perhaps not having the chance to go visit my brother in sabah and my sister in the uk. and i didn't get the bird's nest too. okeh.. i don't know what else to write here. i think there's an epl match going on right now. and i do need to get some rest for tomorrow's 'gruelling' trip (20 hours of 'nganga' and 'buat bodo' in the flight). now, having contributing nothing significant to the national economy for the last two weeks while actually doing nothing back home, i guess i'm ready to get back to work. new challenges beckon for the brave! (well, like i have any other choices now issit*sigh*). do take care everybody.. ciao!

pour some sugar on me

2005-09-07T01:16:00.000-06:00

contrary to popular belief, i do update my blog on my off-days... albeit very, very slowly. hey, you can't blame a guy for enjoying some time 'doing nothing', slacking off literally. especially when i believe that i deserve some time off. from where i'm standing (or sitting, or lying, depending on what time of the day we're talking about), everything seems peachy. finally got to follow up with what's going on in new orleans and japan, these places been severely hit by various hurricanes (katrina and nabi ('butterfly' in korean)) and typhoon in taiwan (didn't get the name of the typhoon there), and the us open on tv. all of these in between non-stop eating and visiting relatives. to those wanting pictures will have to wait.. sowwy. ok, running out of ideas now. i'll try update this again tomorrow. till then, signing off from kota bharu.. do take care ya! ciao!

elderly woman behind the counter in a small town

2005-08-29T01:58:00.000-06:00

sometimes it's very hard to understand people's motivation behind their actions... one of those things that you're just better off letting them be. and we keep forgetting that what might seem absurd from our point of view, perfectly makes sense from another... we just don't see it, or too proud to admit it, or too plain scared to face the fact. and what we keep forgetting most is all those are God's will. when we really think about it, things do happen for a reason. it's amazing how much we re-visit our past, especially when we try the hardest not to go back. what gives? i don't know. one thing i know though, it's perhaps best to embrace those uncertainties and live and learn - the pain, the gain, the enjoyment, the heartbreaks, and the whole experience, from them. this past weekend, i think i did just that and came out being more grateful and stronger than i've ever been in a while. this past weekend, i think i've met the most beautiful of God's creation that i've seen. a baby boy. aqil zarfan. it was nice to meet you and may Allah blessed you always, ameen.

what's the meaning of life? one-hundred wise men could each give you one-hundred different answers. it very much depends on what you want. if in that instance you're craving for a slice of toast bread, the meaning of life in that split second could mean your struggle to get to your favorite breakfast spot for what your heart desires. i think a good definition to life itself resides in your hearts. what do you want to achieve, and how do you come about achieving those goals. i salute those of you who are courageous enough to get out of your comfort zone and experience life in a different light. hehe... hey, don't worry if you don't understand at what i'm getting at... even i can't understand half of what i'm trying to say too at the times :P

(elderly woman behind the counter in a small town - pearl jam's Vs.) i seem to recognize your face. hunting familiar, yet i can't seem to place it. cannot find the candle of thought to light your name. lifetimes are catching up with me. all these changes taking place. i wish i'd seen the place but no one's ever taken me. hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away (x2). i swear i recognize your breath. memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising. me you wouldn't recall for i'm not my former. it's hard when your stuck upon the shelf. i changed by not changing at all. small town predicts my fate. perhaps that's what no one wants to see. i just want to scream, "hello". my God its been so long. never dreamed you'd return. but now here you are and here i am. hearts and thoughts they fade away. hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away (x2). hearts and thoughts they fade away. yeah. hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away (x3). hearts and thoughts they fade...

go

2005-08-23T19:46:00.000-06:00

one of the songs that could get me started any day - 'go' from pearl jam's vs. album

Oh, please don't go out on me. Don't go on me now. Never acted up before. Don't go on me now. I swear I never took it for granted. Just thought of it now. Suppose I abused you. Just passing it on. Go, fuck. Once fastened, survival, now you're getting sharp. Moving oh so swiftly with such disarm. I pulled the covers over him shoulda' pulled the alarm. Turned to my nemesis. A fool no fucking god. No, time... Suck, my... Please... Don't go on me. (x4) Please... Nooh. Suck, blood.... Touch, please... Tunnel vision. Tuck... Time.... See... Please, please, please... Don't go on me. (x4)Please... Don't you want me? Don't go on me. Please don't go on me.

no surprises

2005-08-16T04:59:00.000-06:00

i've just been asked to extend my stay here in singapore for another two weeks. i think i'll agree to it since i still have some unfinished business here and people to meet :) feeling rather special for a little bit. i will have to continue this entry later.

seroja

2005-08-15T04:18:00.000-06:00

i was inclined to say that i'm so terribly busy with work (which i am unfortunately), but that would be too easy and less dramatic. hence the obvious reason being that my laziness-level had reached a record high in the times of jerebu (haze) over lembah klang and it had affected my mood. i'm telling you.. the weather.. :D but those of you residing in the affected areas, please do take the necessary precautions. imagining being in the haze alone would make my eyes all watery and would probably exaggerate my asthma. so, do take care ya!

had another terrific weekend in singapore, hanging out with friends and going places. woke up at 1pm like nobody's business. as always, feisal, ck, and lil yasmin have been the best-est of hosts, and ck's nasi dagang still reigns supreme over all of temasek (made my saturday.. tenkiu2). then sheryl and amir and noreez joined us later at ck's. felt like i have family here. watched united beat everton at goodison park before linking up with ck, noreez, sheryl, and amir, who were out having fun at fort canning and shopping, at kaki lima cafe, haji lane.. cool, happening hangout place. all the time that i spent here, that was the only time i went. kinda sad. on sunday, after miraculously waking up early, went for a walk around orchard rd. sweated like crazy. then joined the gang at bugis junction. and they bought my gifts :) i don't know what for, but thanks a bunch anyways. felt extremely blessed and special for the next 15 minutes. dinner at sakura, far east plaza before saying our goodbyes.

i'll be done here in singapore on wednesday. it's been a long and hectic 6 weeks, but i think i got a lot done. got the best performance review for the year.. alhamdulillah. and that just shows that sometimes it pays to brag (masuk bakul, angkat sendiri) about yourself, especially if you speak up a little bit, not to the point of annoyance though. you gotta fight for what you believe is yours. looking forward for a break and i pretty much have the whole 2 weeks planned out, at least the weekends. and i'm very, very anxious to hear a news from kl in the next week or so. may that be a good one too, insyaAllah.

okeh-kokeh.. take care. and i'll try to update this friggin blog more often. ciao!

bullet proof... i wish i was

2005-08-01T06:04:00.000-06:00

i had the most wonderful weekend that any world-traveller dude (heh!) would've dreamt of. and perhaps the most happening (and 'clean') weekend that i've had had here in singapore (ok, let's not get into too much details here). kinda sad to miss my junior high school reunion in tanjong malim on saturday, because i had to stay for, urm, a 'professional commitment' (ie work), but i had the privilege of meeting up with some awesome, beautiful people here, for what counts as my blogger friends. got a surprise call from lissa kharina late saturday afternoon, while i was drafting a masterpiece of a literature that is my report.. amidst voices in my head (ie tengah pening and tension because i had to be at work). she said she's with sheryl at ck's place in jurong and she didn't have too much time because she had to rush back to jb by 7.30pm for her best-friend's akad nikah ceremony and whether we can meet up. oh, and she wanted to go to orchard road and shop (maybe...?!) and it was already kinda late. i thought to myself, nope she's not gonna make it and i'll probably won't have other opportunities to see her because she's moving to kl soon ( i found out later that she was moving to kl yesterday). then i told her i'd meet her in jurong in 1/2 hour, at ck's condo. so, that's how, when, and where i met lissa kharina. bonus points: i also got to meet sheryl, ck, feisal (ck's husband), and of course, little yasmin:) more bonus points: the laksa that ck prepared (superbly yummy!). on sunday, i got to meet noreez and kj (feisal and ck's lembing friend who's also in singapore on a business trip.. i think i got this right, wasn't concentrating because i got my eyes on lil yasmin's kiddies burgers then) and tasted the best nasi dagang in singapore! a slice of heaven from home!! (now, if only i can talk ck into preparing singgang 'ganu.. that would make this trip the best ever, ever!... ever! haha!!) thanks for the company and hospitality everybody. we should do this more often. and speaking of singgang, my dearest sister in kl text-messaged me about her singgang... this is something worth waiting for. so sis, insyaAllah i'll be going to kl this coming weekend, pehe2 ler k! oh, you going with me to temerloh right? for nurul's wedding? hmm well let me know. i can't think straight right now.. still high from ck's nasi dagang hehe.. okeh-kokeh. stay safe everybody:)

black star

2005-07-29T05:36:00.000-06:00

i've been slacking off in updating this blog. so much to say, so much to do, so little time.. in times like these, it's increasingly important to reflect on those people dearest to you and on those things that you enjoy the most. basically, live your life to the fullest! there's been so many deaths close to me in the past coupla weeks.. sad but it's the will of God. al-fatihah.

rela ku pujuk

2005-07-19T04:35:00.000-06:00

a two-scooped, S$6.50 haagen dasz ice-cream should qualify as a dinner plate. maybe not in nutritional terms, but at least as an idea. my favorite flavor is strawberry cheesecake. and i don't think i've frequented the place enough to qualify me as a preferred customer. heck i got at least three more weeks to go here so might as well utilise the time i have. when can you say you've bought the best-est pair of shoes ever? when you've gotten yourself a pair of adidas barricade III tennis shoes. they make my hideously looking feet look darn good. of course i can say this with every other thing that comes to mind and you'd read through this anyways. right now i'm in a void state of mind. it's the feeling that you have when you feel that you're all alone in this whole wide world and un-cared and un-loved. truly disheartening and upsetting. hope i'll get through this one soon.. really hate it being in a funk. i think i'll go for a run tonight.. hopefully that pretty, nice lady would be there as well. signing off.

all in the suit that you wear

2005-07-15T04:41:00.000-06:00

back by popular demand (as if). i'm writing from rainy singapore right now. been an eventful week so far here. the flight over was , urm, effortless. ok.. not bad at all considering the fact that i had a relatively major headache enroute, because i slept for a couple of hours before, packing for the trip. the transit in narita was kinda fun. had some japanese shrimp fried rice for about 500 yen (at least i think it was fried rice, even though i'm pretty positive that they used the microwave.. use your imagination), and a 300 yen iced coffee. the coolest thing.. they had a liquidified sugar ready in cute little containers, like those milk containers they used to serve coffee in restaurants...?! comprende? ok. let me know if you need further explanation about this. and, yes, the girl mending the counter is cute. you know, japanese-cute. but of course i was hungry too. and i bought a pair of socks that people here wear with those wooden slipper (selipar jepun hehe!!), the kind that split the big toe compartments with the rest of the other insignificant toes. and, of course i bought a pair of those selipar jepun too. for mia. hope she likes 'em:) it's kind tough trying to explain things that you're not familiar with. you know what suck more? i had a digital camera with me but didn't use it. hopeless. and i've been eating non-stop, except when i'm asleep or during meetings. i'm gonna try go out for a run tonight. i know i may not lose much, or anything for that matter, but i know i'll feel good all over again and justify the mee soto that i'm gonna have for dinner tonight. ok, signing off for now. do take care ya!

(nice dreams)

2005-07-06T15:41:00.000-06:00

i can't sleep at nights. i'm thinking it's the combination of exhaustion and anxiety. then again i rarely think. i need to chill a little bit. maybe i'd go out and hit some serves today. all of a sudden i got all these errands to run before i fly out this friday. kinda had a vision about what i need to get done a coupla weeks ago, but it's gonna be a home stretch as always. ah well, i tried. being tired and out-of-sort, sort of, don't help too. i know i'd leave something behind when i get to singapore, but gonna try not to be upset about it. in an effort to make some kind of 'life statement', i recently purchased some yellow wristband and a pair of cycling socks from the lance armstrong foundation (you know the yellow, livestrong wristband, don't you?). yeah, say what you want but i think that the 'livestrong' statement is a powerful one. simple and direct. to my conscience at least. i would like to focus the statement to life in general. too often have i slumped to depression and self-pity that i forgot to live and learn and move on. think about it. having said that, i hope lance armstrong win his seventh tour de france. not only that would be a nice retirement present for lance, but also a crowning achievement in an extraordinary endurance race that symbolizes the human spirit. stay safe everybody!

who dat? isi minyak in boulder, colorado

flagstaff mountain, boulder, colorado

cropduster

2005-07-02T20:21:00.000-06:00

i'm in the least presentable shape right now. i know i'm fit, but not in the best possible, urm, look. i've never been concerned about how i look - the hairdo, the shirts i wear, how i smell, how i walk, how my gut literally bulges (ok, not for the faint-hearted), or whether i have a big, toned biceps or not, as long as i feel good about myself. and i still do hold dear to that outlook of life. but i guess people have moments when they feel it's time to re-invent themselves. be it in their physical attributes or in their mental state. and hopefully for the better good of mankind. change for the better.

spongebob rules!

green disease

2005-07-01T10:57:00.000-06:00

now my right calf's hurting after getting kicked during last night's game. but still ok. kinda hobbling around for a little bit. went horseback riding last sunday in estes park. it was fun and relaxing. hmm maybe i could get myself a horse. i know that'll someone very happy:) i don't understand why the horse that i rode keeps passing gas (?!) the trail that we took was beautiful. i'm not big into hiking, but i surely felt compelled by it. the scenery here in colorado can take your breath away at times, especially when you look up to the majestic view of the rockies. not much to see on the eastern plains though as they're flat. maybe not as flat as kansas or nebraska, but flat enough as far as you can see. the vastness could overwhelm you sometimes. one interesting fact about colorado is that the state has, perhaps, the most registered boats in the country. surprising considering the fact that it's landlocked! well, i don't plan on buying a boat anytime soon, if that's what you're thinking hehe..

so, my trip to singapore's pretty much set. very much looking forward to it.. the food, the scenery, the weather. gonna be attending a school reunion at the end of july - SRP class of 91 at sekolah menengah khir johari in tanjong malim, perak. it's quite an achievement really to still be able to keep in touch with friends from junior high, especially after 14 years being away from it all. while most of the class stayed on for senior high, quite a number of us went our separate ways after form3, me included. the best part of the experience is definitely the camaraderie that most of us had. it's an enriching and a humbling experience at the same time in getting to know people from various backgrounds. from the friendly ones to the gangster-type (samseng kampung), from the well-to-do families to the poor ones, it made for a very, very conducive learning grounds for me. and i'm grateful that i've been given the opportunity to part of their experience as well.

do have a great weekend ya!

my poor brain

2005-06-23T09:16:00.000-06:00

i had a good tennis match with randy yesterday. considering that i haven't been playing regularly this summer, that was a pretty solid display. of course i could be exaggerating for a little bit here, but, hey, bite me hehe... i need to work on my serves. i need a coach. i know i've said this before but just stating the obvious. perhaps two things that have been preventing that happening are, 1) the cost, and 2) no time. it does take a lot of effort to better yourself. i'm just not very committed at this point. maybe i'll change in the next couple of hours.

i've lived in tanjong malim for about 4 years. tanjong malim is a lovely small town situated in southern perak, a beautiful state in malaysia (fyi). i basically grew up there during my formative years (well i really don't know what 'formative years' means.. it's just that i learnt a great deal of the facts of life there during my junior high years). one of the best things associated with the town is its famous 'pau' (steamed bun, typically with fillings of red bean, kaya, or meat). now, having lived there for some years, i can say that i've never had pau there... hmmmmm. i don't know why. however, the best pau that i've had ever is from kubang kerian, my hometown. they're being sold in front of the usm hospital campus. i can live on pau alone! anyways, i've been getting my fix of red bean paus here from this korean supermarket in denver. they're selling these frozen paus in packs of threes. and all i need to do is steam them for about 15 minutes and i'll have a slice of heaven right here in colorado.

Till then, stay safe and don't miss yer meals ya!

wind cries mary

2005-06-21T09:25:00.000-06:00

this is the third draft that i've written up for this entry. for some reasons, i couldn't make it sound that i'm truly busy right now. i've got so much things going on at the same time right now. multitasking is something that i suck at.. big time. among others... my ankle's really sore from my indoor soccer excursions on sunday and monday nights, completed the self-evaluation for my performance review (if i don't get the promotion and/or the big, fat raise, then i don't know what else to do), and, oh, i took up another job within the company. now the latter's kinda interesting. i've been doing the same job for the last six years that i've been with the company. that's 2 years in the factory in perai and 4 years here in colorado. the job's really cool.. failure analysis. think csi or something like that, but instead of investigating crimes, i investigate why our products suck! and i'm not bored or anything predictable like that... it's an opportunity to move on. plus, the position's for staff engineer, which would be a step up for me (heck, i'm already drawing up plans for world domination by the time i turn 40! muahahaha!!). we're still negotiating terms since the new management seems to be not willing to promote me just yet (i guess i have to go talk to some veeps then). regardless, it's gonna be an exciting prospect for me. kinda nervous still but i think it's time i get out of my comfort zone and lay down a challenge to myself. okeh for now. later!

this love

2005-06-08T17:59:00.000-06:00

i must say that blogging has fast becoming a weekly update thingy, instead of a daily or once-in-a-coupla-day thingy. kinda disappointed with the progress, but it really has taken a back seat to work. i've just been informed by the management that my business trip to temasek has been delayed further to early july (tsk2). very well then... you gotta take all these adversaries with a grain of salt.. you know, looking at the glass half full, rather than half empty kinda thing. hmmm what kinda of optimism(s) that i can think of till then...?!

i've been doing some part-time tennis coaching here since a couple of years back. hard to believe isn't it? but yeah.. for the love of the game. i've been looking at a few websites that offer coaching certificates, but haven't decided on any one yet. figure if i'd be spending (urm, 'investing') my money into this, might as well go all the way. plus, i'm lining up this gig as part of my 'back-up' plan, in case, a) i get laid off, b) side income, c) an opportunity to meet people (ok, girls), and, d) really haven't thought about (d) yet. so, you see how smart and visionary i can be sometimes? oh, my friends have been 'financing' these lessons with meals. not too shabby, huh!

i was browsing through the company's internal job posting yesterday when i saw a vacancy in a group that i think is cool. ok, that didn't sound too technical and/or professional. anyways, that position would offer me an opportunity to get into a project management role while still being involved in the technical side of proceedings. not to mention, a possible promotion (now that is cool!). i actually had a hallway discussion with a guy i know from the group and he encouraged me to apply. my failure analysis experience would be invaluable, he said. i have to admit that the thought has stirred a sense of utter excitement inside. one flip side though, i don't think i'd be traveling to the far east as much as now if i do get into the group. how ahh? it's nice having options sometimes even when they mess with your head a little bit! what do you think?

i'm getting into the habit of sleeping late again (then complaining about not having enough sleep and endless, merciless headaches). like last night.. i was gonna go to bed at 11pm (seriously) until i tuned in to mtv and saw a special on coldplay's new album. heck, they even had a small discography-concert at mtv's nyc times square studio, playing music from their upcoming third album 'x&y'. no reviews from moi so that i don't spoil it for you coldplay fans. then goltv showed a repeat of the south american world cup qualifying match between brazil and paraguay from porto allegre in brazil at midnight. apart from ronaldo, who i understand got 'time-off' from the team, the rest of the who's who of the current crop of brazilian stars were on display. ronaldinho, kaka, robinho, adriano, emerson, ze roberto, belletti, lucio, roque junior, roberto carlos (c), and dida, started the match. i mean, come on, that's almost the world's starting XI for you! true to form, they easily beat paraguay 4-1 and well on their way to germany 2006 for the right to defend the world cup. up next, a titanic battle with argentina! mouth-watering indeed.

okeh-kokeh.. i think i've written enough for 3 entries. hope the day's been kind to you. take it easy and stay safe ya!

alive

2005-06-03T09:41:00.000-06:00

i've never realized that my birthdate is exactly one week away from my late brother's birthdate. (mohd. aiman bin omar - june 2nd.). he was the seventh and the youngest among us and he would've been 19 this year. as it stands today, my sister's the youngest one and from what i'm hearing, she's having a blast in plymouth! but she's far from being a demanding, spoilt brat, typical of any youngest child that i've met along my historied life (hehe). and i'm sure adik aiman wouldn't have turned into a spoilt brat too... his many abang's and kakak's would make sure of it hehe!!

and i'm supposed to complete a set of goals for the year's performance review, which is due today (i'm a professional slacker). the company introduced this funky new review system that is so confusing, to me at least. the management has been insisting that it has got little bearing on our performance review and raise, but apparently it has got everything to do with them. we're supposed to key in goals for the fiscal year that would align to goals set by our direct management which in turn align to their management and go all the way up to the executives. it takes a lot of creativity.. something that i've been lacking of for awhile (don't ask why). i'll probably start working on it after logging this entry in. then hopefully i'd wooed my management enough to nominate me for another promotion, and better still, a gigantic pay raise beyond my wildest imagination.

i can't wait to go to singapore! the more i think about it, the anxious i get. i should be hearing something from the product core team about my imminent trip 'home' very, very soon. keep you posted. with the coming weekend, just wanna wish you a great one! stay out of trouble now! ciao!

::e.v.e.n.f.l.o.w::

2005-05-26T20:58:00.000-06:00

one of my favorite eating places in denver is the isle of singapore. it's located close to denver university, a private college around a rather upscale neighborhood. it's the place i'd go for nasi goreng ikan masin, kangkung belacan, sambal belacan, durian smoothie, air lychee, satay, lamb curry, etc. ... a slice of heaven from home in obscure denver.

so, i took the whole day off today... so that i could, a) sleep in, b) watch the french open on tv, c) tidy up an eye-sore, that is my room, d) finally watch star wars at the 11.40am show in westminster, e) have lunch at the isle of singapore, f) do some grocery shoppings in denver, g) play in an indoor soccer match in boulder, h) update this blog on THIS day, and i) to hopefully get to bed early tonight.

i made a wish last night for today... i guess not all wishes come true. nonetheless, all the well wishes that you've sent me mean a lot more than you think. thank you, thank you, thank you. may you be blessed with good fortune and good health too :) take care!

high and dry

2005-05-21T11:13:00.000-06:00

arrgghhh!! the agony of being a manchester united fan... united lost in the 2004/05 FA cup final on penalties (the first of its kind ever) after being the better (and dominant) team through the 90-min regulation and 30-min extra-time. that includes having struck the woodwork twice and having 9-10 more shots on goal. everybody was on-fire and played well (except maybe for roy carroll in goal... he had one shot to save all game). and i must say ruud van nistelrooy was rusty, he could've buried at least 2 chances, blindfolded! aihh such is the nature of the game. on this evident though, united could surely look forward to the new season with renewed enthusiasm and challenge for honors again. i'm particularly keen to see united lift the european champions' league again.. in my lifetime. a club with such rich history and massive potential could and should be european kings more than twice. a changing of guard may be in order to mold the likes of wayne rooney, christiano ronaldo, and darren fletcher to greater heights. but hey, what do i know right? another season of high expectations and underachievements has passed us by. and it'll surely be game on come august for the new season. come on reds!!

i feel sick now. and bored.

oh, i had the privilege to read some fine writings in darthside.blogspot.com. this dude, the owner of the site, is absolutely brilliant. can't say enough good things about his writings. as you would've suspected, the blog's about the dark lord himself, darth vader. it gives an insight to the inner workings and thoughts of the sith warrior. from being a slave to his master, darth sidious, to dealings with the rebellious imperial enemies, and how much he enjoys the pleasure of 'crushing' one's 'trachea', the blog reveals a surprisingly brutal honesty of a 'monster' who once was human. great writing!

i'm currently listening to sheila-on-7 ('30 hari mencari cinta' soundtrack, methinks). it's a decent album. kinda refreshing, a break from guns-n-roses and stp.

i'm suppose to finish up with a failure analysis on this one drive. problem is, the thing is not failing anymore. how am i suppose to do my job? i have to creative today. it'll fail again.

okeh-kokeh.. hope the weekend's been grand and you're in superb health! take care. ciao!

morning bell

2005-05-16T20:27:00.000-06:00

hello! hope you're doing well and in high spirits:) i'm absolutely feeling good. getting enough sleep can sure do wonders to your health and well-being. today (may 17th.) is my brother's birthday. so happens to be my roomie's birthday as well. so, happy birthday guys! may the year be blessed and be full of happiness. err, what? presents? sabar k! i'll think of something hehe.. and my dear sister (who's stuck in plymouth) reminded me about 'hari guru' yesterday (may 16th.). how could i possibly forget about that? ok. i didn't know about it even. my bad. she just said,"abe tokse wish wu, apih, ma, and pa selamat hari guru ko?" in which i did to her. heh come to think about it, and if i remember right, no-one us adik beradik wanted to be teachers and follow in the footsteps of our parents. now we have two! the irony of it all :) i'm proud of all my adik2 regardless of what they decided to do with their lives. they're truly my heart and soul. okeh-kokeh, do stay safe and here wishing you a brilliant tuesday. ciao!

19-2000

2005-05-13T17:25:00.000-06:00

"get the cool.. get the cool shoeshine"

i think i run funny. i run in small steps with a very minimal arm movement and my body slightly slouching.. macam anak ayam lah pulak. can you imagine it? don't ask me why because i don't know. i think i'm trying to minimize and/or to alleviate the pain of shin-splints that i'm currently (and excruciatingly) experiencing. i think i'd take up swimming and/or cycling. oh, i also think that i have a very weird, unassuming voice. i can't stand hearing my own voice over the tape or the voice mail. for some reason, i'm embarassed by it. now, there's a fine line between 'not-being-comfortable' and 'hating', and i don't hate being what i am now. pening sekejap. well, hope you're well, and wishing you a great weekend! stay safe:)

slow country

2005-05-13T09:30:00.000-06:00

just for laughs ok! these are entries to a Washington Post poetry competition, asking for rhyme with the MOST romantic first line, but the LEAST romantic second line. The submissions are brutal! and guaranteed to put a little smile on your face.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe, "Go to hell."

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

optimistic

2005-05-11T19:29:00.000-06:00

so, it's been raining here in longmont since yesterday evening. an uncommon scenery for me since i moved here about four years ago. it's practically dry here almost all of the time. kinda reminds of home. ok, granted it's a little bit chilly than home. maybe it reminds me of dublin then. yes, dublin.. those were beautiful days. oh, and how i felt the brunt of a hail storm yesterday! hail droplets as big as golf balls dropping from the sky like rain drops. believe it or not, and to my utter astonishment, they have a 'hail season' here in colorado! (don't know when's that exactly though hehe). i got a little carried away, excited even, at first til i heard some people talking about insurance coverage for the car and what-have-yous. that instance i realized the horror of not having paid my car insurance yet! i swear i felt my heart skipped a beat. the hail storm lasted for about 10 minutes. the program director called off the meeting we were in at that moment. to my great relief, my wrx survived the storm with minor dings all over the hood and roof. no shattered windshields and such (alhamdulillah). i'd probably need to send it in for repair, but, at least, the damages were less severe then what i've anticipated. i overestimated the damage.. which is always good. in dealing with most predicaments, i always wanna look at the bright side and hope for the best and brace myself for the worst. can't say that this always works because my heart still cringes when bad things happened, but it alleviates the bitter feeling afterwards. anyways, that was one heck of a storm. watching the news later on that night, it was revealed that the storm only hit this part of town where my workplace is located at. hmm must be a sign from above(?!).. *note to self: dude, please jangan tinggal sembahyang anymore for whatever reasons k!

currently...
listening to: 'kid a' - radiohead
reading: 'the endgame' - star trek: voyager
craving: laksam
wishing: a vacation.. isk2 tired gilo nih!!

i could die for you

2005-05-06T20:25:00.000-06:00

ahh it's may (dey, it's the sixth day of may already-lah!) . and may has always been a rather pleasant month for me. hmm wonder why? keep that thought there k.. . anyways, it feels good to write something meaningful (jibberish) after a 'hiatus' (hah, i've finally got to use that word in a sentence, mission accomplish!). ok, i don't really know what length of time that would qualify as a 'hiatus', but i don't really care. honestly i don't have anything meaningful and/or interesting to write, except that i'm officially acting on behalf of my manager for the next 3 weeks. albeit in a limited capacity that is (no.. i can't give myself a ridiculously huge pay raise, as much as i wanted to). and i don't have the executive power to fire people too *sigh*. after one full day, i have to say that i kinda fancy the job. well, i didn't do anything different from what i've been doing in the last 4 months, but i did give myself a 'break' hehe. i tuang work for a couple of hours to catch kingdom of heaven. well worth the effort i might add. i like it and i don't give a rat's ass to what the reviews say. a part of the history of the 200 years of crusade was predictably hollywood-ized, princess sibylla (eva green) was smoking hot like nobody's business, legolas, urm, balian of ibelin (orlando bloom) was somewhat lame and couldn't really carry the character (or it was purposely designed as such?!), salahudin al-ayubbi was strong and not easily shaken, and the war scenes were quite believeable. go and watch it, then we'll talk:D after such abuse of power, and an acai (ah-sigh-ee) smoothie later, i'm back at work though (dedication). hopefully i'll get some work done here before it's too late. it sucks staying late at work, but doubly more so if it's a friday night. oh, i'll write something up about the stag (bachelor's party) i went to 3 weekends ago in colorado springs. i can't recall most of the details from that night but i'll make them up anyways hehe.. like you'd know what had happened. and before i forget (and i almost always will), a good friend of mine from high school is currently in sudan, drilling oil rigs. cool, huh?! this may not strike some people as being out-of-this world, but to me, it is. i believe he's got a degree totally not related at all. then again, i never asked (duh!). we kinda keep missing each other on the yM because of the time difference (alamak ter'forgot' lak) until a few days back. that's when i got to know that he's in sudan. and to answer a message from another close friend of mine from high school on our yG's message board, yes, there is someone in africa! wow-wie! currently we have about 150++ people registered at our school's yG (that's out of approx. 350 people from the class of '93 batch). quite an amazing feat considering that most of us 'went our separate ways' after graduation. small groups, among others, went to mara colleges for their matriculation and a few overseas preparatory programs (american assiciate degree, japan, german-malaysia institute), ppp/itm (american degree program, a-level, tesl, australian matriculation), dublin business school, flew straight overseas, etc. etc. now imagine how our 10-year high school reunion turned out last year?! crazy fun! and i didn't go tsk2. i did attend our inaugural reunion in pulau pangkor in 2000, and a berbuka puasa event in kl in 2003 (i was in temasek on one of the many business trips then). and they've been on-going activities. the group is now linked to the official mrsm alumni association (or ansara) established at the mara HQ. i think they've held a major ansara gathering last year. again, i didn't attend that for obvious reasons. so feeling kinda left out but happy nonetheless that my friends aren't doing too shabby for themselves. hey, back then, i'd never imagined that i could turn to my home-roommate for legal advice, or try get tickets to the petronas philharmonic symphony from another (that's you cap-G), or get some medical tips from an ex-flame. me? i can probably bs on and on about hard drives, and you'll probably fall asleep in exactly 67 1/2 seconds. and i probably can't answer most linear, time-invariant systems and signals questions, but we can talk. perhaps that's just what you needed:) till then, be happy and stay safe ya!

tonight, tonight

2005-04-28T17:58:00.000-06:00

hola residents of the world! hope you're doing well. i'm not. i'm miserable and i've been feeling unwell for the last week or so with fever, cold, and major headache, among others. my hair's a mess, need a haircut. haven't shaved in the last 3-4 days. tired from various excursions. my eyes are irritated and red and it'sot because of the contact lenses. and it's been snowing since last night. it's april! for God's sake.. spring time. the business trip to temasek's been delayed by a few weeks (to mid-june). hmm what else? work's been piling up. now i'm overlooking three different programs.. that's three different sets of people to deal with hence three different 'headaches'. you know how tough it is dealing with management people who's never had any engineering experience making engineering decisions? very much. it's laughable sometimes but i try to keep my 'excitements' and 'amusements' to a controlled level because i know now that i'll be the one working out those stupid decisions isk2. but it's never been a better time to be working for the company right now. business has been awesome and the quarterly performances have surpassed the many analyses from wall street. so, if i don't get a big, fat bonus check come july, i'll be totally pissed off like you won't believe it. just kidding. i'm too tired to even think that right now. negative vibes are not good for your health hehe. i'm trying to see out the day albeit looking and feeling like a souped up zombie. okie, stay safe and do have a good weekend ya!

mellowship slinky in b major

2005-04-22T16:48:00.000-06:00

so, i'm tired and kinda sleepy right now. and hungry. padan muka for staying up late last night and for nought. oh, did i tell you that my monday night indoor soccer team (beer guts) are also playing in thursday night's over-30 league?! yeah.. i've been going in there flashing my fake ID haha!! no-lah.. they're not very strict about it and nobody has checked my ID, yet. is not like it matters at all, with me panting like an old man after 30sec, i could easily pass for a 40+ dude!! pathetic, no. the physical training thus far prepares me for long cardio workouts and i've been recovering much faster, but i couldn't sustain short acceleration exercises like in indoor soccer. i probably wanna start altering my workout to include circuit training. and some news from my sunday night co-ed team (paranoid.android), 1) ian was selected to the colorado blizzard. the blizzards are colorado rapids' pdl (players developmental league) team, macam reserves. so, i think that's semi-pro. pro: it's a testament to how good my team is (cewah!). con: we've lost one of our better players (sigh). best of luck, buddy! 2) crisis brewing in the ladies' rank. susie left in a world of rage after our last game because she didn't get enough playing time. well that's what she claimed. you see, we got four ladies to fill in two spots on the field (six players at one time on the field with a goalie (doesn't matter a guy or a girl), a minimum of two ladies, and a maximum of three guys, and ). we had 7 guys to fill in three spots, that's 3 subs waiting on the sideline and nobody's complaining about not getting enough playing time. i've got a management task at hand and hopefully get it resolved ASAP. my resolve is strong. so, nothing's gonna stop me from winning that cheapo championship t-shirt this time!

apparently someone took note of my brief, negligible star trek write up in the previous entry (thx, nin13!). personally, you don't need to be a sci-fi buff to appreciate it. and you don't have to be a fan either. i've never paid much attention to the hype, especially with the original start trek series or movies, not really interested. i got to kinda get acquinted with captain jean-luc picard's starfleet generation when i attended college here. and picard's crew are the basis of my interest towards the star trek genre. here's my two cents.. star trek: the next generation (tng) deals with the exploration of the deep space, encounters with strange aliens (i.e. borgs), technological innovations such as warp-speed travel, space-time continuum explorations, and intergalactic conflicts with the romulans (close cousins to the vulcans, two highly-advanced alien races) and the klingons (allies) defending the space borders of the federation of planets. picard's crew: number-one (first officer) commander riker, lt. cmd. data (android), lt. cmd. la forge (chief engineer), lt. cmd. worf (klingon; security), dr. crusher (chief medical officer), and lt. cmd. deanna troi (counselor; betazoid). then we have a spin-off like star trek: deep space nine that plots the dealings of starfleet with the bajorans and the dominions on a space station in the alpha quadrant (the Federation has divided the space to quadrants). from the ecentricities of quark the ferrengi to the horrors of war in the dominion war. capt. sisko, the commander of ds9, and the enigma that is the defiant, and the emissary to the bajorans. ahh.. letih pakcik!! two more spin-offs - star trek: voyager where the starship voyager got flung far away to the delta quadrant after chasing down the rebel maquis. delta quadrant is about 70000 light-years away from the alpha quadrant! the lady commander, commander janeway, attempts to steer the ship back and going through a series of adventure beyond imagination. the ending is definitely a cracker! star trek: enterprise is the precursor to the genre. ironically it was panned out the last. kinda cool to see how the creative team comes up with scenarios where humans are technologically advanced enough to make space warp-speed travel and establish contacts with alien races. funny thing is the interior of the starship enterprise looks obsolete and it's suppose to look way beyond what we have now in the real world. this series nevertheless still holds a certain romance towards the star trek tradition. all in all, most of the situational scenes depict what the real-life scenarios look like. how people could have thought about the settings and costumes and alien figures are arts in itself. there are really smart, creative people out there with weird but plausible ideas that'll make you sit and wonder, like me. then again i'm easily amused too (not as much as some people, ok, one person, that i know).

okeh i'll stop now while my sanity's still intact. before i quit for real, here's a shout out to my roomie for being made captain of the taekwondo demo team! congratulations buddy! this guy's resolve is much stronger than mine. when he sets out to do something, he'll put his whole heart into achieving it. too serious if you ask me, but he's got results to show. i thought about calling him kapitan, but i'm a captain too, so i had to scrap that idea and sticking with calling him 'dude'.. hope he doesn't raise the rent now! alrighty people.. i'm off to enjoy the weekend. loads of plans and 3 new GTO manga best, best. do have a great one ok and stay safe! ciao!

blood sugar sex magik

2005-04-21T23:17:00.000-06:00

nope. i haven't developed a hatred towards the world or anyone in particular. you have to believe me when i say i'm absolutely swamped with work. yeah. being sick does not help either. took tuesday off. watched a couple of not-yet-seen star trek: the next generation episodes in between falling in and out of sleep. i'm telling you.. those borgs are nasty. i rank them the third nastiest sci-fi villains after the predator (numero uno) and vegeta (saiyan prince from dragon ball). on any other circumstances, that would be blissful. but not those few days. went back to work wednesday and surprise, surprise work piled up. amazing sometimes when you're up and ready to go, nothing of great relevance comes about. it's always when you're down and almost out, i.e. late friday, when something comes up. the management's been delaying my trip to temasek (singapore). as of today, i'm officially flying over the first week of june. don't hold your breathe. i might be asked to go in mid-may if the need arises. payah jugak jadi star performer nih hehe..! well, it's always a pleasure going on these business trips.. flying business class all the way from denver to singapore, 5-star accommodation, and get to see friends and family. oh, the food is definitely heavenly. miss mia terribly. i'm kinda excited about saturday night. going to a 'stag'.. that's a bachelor's party for one of my irish buddies here. we're going to colorado springs. and from my understanding it involves alot of booze and strip clubs. the lads will be out for golf during the day. i think i can get myself excused from that and meet up with the rest of the party for dinner. it'll be interesting to experience all these while being sober. hope to survive the experience and live to tell the tale. okeh-kokeh people.. take it easy and do have a beautiful weekend ahead. ciao!

the everlasting gaze

2005-04-11T17:35:00.000-06:00

spring blizzard.. only in colorado! the temperature was in the 60s on saturday, dropped a little during the night, then woke up sunday morning to 8 inches of snow and more. today's warm again. it's the weather system running its course. it's good to this part of the country since it's historically very dry come summer time. this ought to add some moisture to the ecological system here. so, had a pretty dull sunday. i had three soccer matches scheduled that day. i can understand why the outdoor match got cancelled (duh!), but the two indoor matches too. it's probably the sensible thing to do.. preventing people from taking unnecessary risks driving in bad road conditions. well it got fairly warm around late afternoon and snow on the road has pretty much melted, making for a slushy road condition. i went out for a drive to coastco in superior. you gotta love this kind of road conditions when you're driving a wrx!! and i think i'm addicted to turbo hehe.. . i'm in an emotionally stable condition today. could use some excitement but don't have any problem settling for nothing either. well do have a great day today! take it easy and stay safe:)

let down

2005-04-08T11:46:00.000-06:00

God! depression is a nasty, nasty thing. i'm sure everyone of us has been through it at least once in our lifetime and, to some extent, to a different degree altogether. from my personal account, even the slighest 'things' can drive me mad and plunge me deep in depression-land. the other day, i went out and hit some tennis balls with a colleague from work. i haven't hit a tennis ball for awhile but it did feel good during warm up.. didn't feel any rustiness and such. then we started playing and half-way through the set, i missed a sitter, and another.. and another.. started spraying my serves and, honestly at that point, i felt like having a nervous breakdown!! is that how a nervous breakdown felt?! can't really explain what i was feeling then but just thought about quitting there and then. and it was supposed to be a friendly, fun thing to do. nothing was at stake and i knew going into it that i haven't been playing in a loooong time, so was kinda expecting a poor display.. . i dunno. driving back home afterwards, i thought and thought about what had happened and how could i be feeling so down. thinking about that little blimp in my week, it's mindboggling that something insignificant could dictate the mood. can't expect too much when it comes to these things. get over it!

according to the weather forecast, colorado's gonna be hit by a major snow storm as early as tonight. cool. the place can be awfully dry and the snow would bring much needed moisture. when i first moved to colorado about four years ago, i couldn't get sweaty like i normally do when i'm at home. i took about a year to fully acclimitized to the weather and altitude here. they weren't kidding when they say denver's a mile high! but when we have days like the last few days, this is perhaps one of the most beautiful places that i've been too. having said that, i don't know how much longer i want to stay here. new york city's always been an intriguing place to me. surprisingly i've never been there. there's so much romance associated with the city. i want to at least experience its eccentricites and pleasures in my lifetime. that would be awesome!

the weekend's been an absolutely welcoming fixture for me. i got to sleep in this morning. but united lost to norwich and pretty much plunging me into the depth of depression again. i have a party to go to in a bit. then i think i'll go see 'sin city'. kinda hoping that we'll get no snow tonight because i have a 9am soccer match tomorrow. soccer normally distracts me enough from the lingering depressive thoughts, which is a good thing. manga's another thing.. except that none of the titles i collect have new series out! freaking weird..! amazing how 20 different manga titles have no new edition out.. at the same time! i smell a conspiracy here to keep me from feeling good. not to fear, my resolves are strong. drive safely ya! ciao!

fitter happier

2005-04-04T17:51:00.000-06:00

wow! the wonder of technology. i'm writing this entry from the comfort of the suede sofa at home, watching, or trying to watch, malcolm in the middle. my roomie a.k.a. landlord, installed a broadband wireless system at home and it's been working like a charm. and oh, i got out of work early today. recovered from the terrible, throbbing headache in the morning. doh! the simpson's on, yeay! they're icons of my generation. smart-assed, quirky jokes.. ahh, still is refreshing till this day, re-runs after re-runs. i love girls in skirt. just thought i'd let this out. don't wanna get caught staring at you ladies later. i am not a pervert.. you have to believe me on this. anyways, my roomie's someone who is easily amused. i can tell him a third-rate, lame joke and he'd still laugh his heart out. amazing. he used to start laughing hysterically without any reason that i know off because he just got the joke from 2-3 days back. he's improved a little now haha!!. proud of him. how much do you value friendship? it takes a lot of understanding and some amount of committment. it's all about watching each other's back. i don't have too many close friends. but those few i have are my best friends. people that i'd lay my life on the line for. thanks:) stay safe everybody..!!

subterranean homesick alien

2005-04-04T12:02:00.000-06:00

i tend to forget how great an album ok computer really is until i put the cd on. and i'm not gonna start an album review of it here because i know i suck at it with my short attention span and all. did i tell you i have a short attention span? oh yeah, i did. there. if you hadn't heard the album yet, i'd strongly suggest that you do. it'll complete your miserable life.. at least my miserable life's been a lot better after listening to it. wow! that was a bold statement. bite me. kicking squelling gucci little piggy - paranoid android. on a very bright note.. all three of my soccer teams that i'm on won yesterday.. yeay!! is that cool or what?! super! well i don't exactly know the result of the outdoor game yet but we should've won.. i left just before half-time and we were 3-0 up. then rushed to westminster and crushed the other team 9-3. later on, on another indoor team, we won 10-2. so all in all, been a good day to me personally. tonight's another indoor match in boulder, hoping to get another favorably result. it's been a fairly busy day at work today. not as hectic as the last few days last week. i'm looking for a property, or two, in kl for investment. it's high time i delve into it. i think my financial management's a big mess. i have to work on this a little bit more seriously. my head was throbbing this morning. thought about calling-in sick (urm, ditching work) today but being the consummate professional that i am, i just couldn't bring myself to do it (cewah). feeling better now though. hungry now.. lunch time!

stand inside your love

2005-04-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

hola! how are you? hope you're in good health and better spirits. on average this week, i've been pretty good, thank you:) work is piling up but manageable. no conflict of interest or anything fun like that happening. went and visited the leeds school of business at CU. the last day for the fall 2005 intake for the mba program is.. today! hampeh.. was so raring to go already! damn it. the evening mba program, which caters for working professionals like moi ('student' is not a profession k.. hehe), is still open. but it's gonna be applying a flat rate of fees. this means that i cannot apply as an in-state applicant (which means a bit more cheaper ler). so, i'm gonna think long and hard about it. then swung by the college of engineering to enquire about graduate studies in electrical engineering (masters of science) or engineering management (masters of engineering). but the graduate advisor was already out of office and won't be back till monday (note to self: come in earlier). you may ask, why this sudden interest in further education? well, lotsa reasons. education is a big part of my family. both of my parents are educators (my mom has since retired) and the emphasis on it has been lost on their children. from a very young age, the importance of education has been ingrained into our little heads and that the well-being of our respective prospective lives depend on how well we're 'educated'. i could say that us siblings haven't done too shabby in our achievements. we may not have straight A's start performers, but enough. a good friend and colleague has been persistent in taking classes from CU, my roomie has just got accepted into the graduate program at CU, and another colleague has decided to take some classes as well. that leaves me. to me there's the personal challenge. i believe in our society, academic achievements are very much a gauge of how smart someone is and how far he/she can go in life. while this may be far from the truth, most high achievers that i've had the privilege to meet are exactly that. people with plans and driven. it makes sense to me. this would present a tremendous challenge to my inner self. my roomie's been commenting on how much he feels 'brain-dead' from the lack of stimulating assignments he's been getting. don't get me wrong, my job's pretty damn stimulating, but i've been slacking off for too long, too much! plus, all i need to do is score a C grade or better and the company's gonna reimburse me 100%.. is that a good deal or what!! WTF! if i can't take advantage of this opportunity, then un-officially, i'm the biggest loser ever! that sucks. the plan now is part-time mba and part-time engineering, possibly in control systems. one class each for every semester. gotta start somewhere. been putting this off for nearly four years now since i moved back to the states. time to act! wish me luck people! do have a great weekend ok!

*Note: after 6 gruelling weeks of physical exertions, way beyond comprehension (ok, i'm exaggerating a little bit), the 6-pecs that i've been craving for is still nowhere in sight *sigh* hence i'm gonna extend that for another four weeks. my resolve is still strong. thank you.

sleep now in the fire

2005-03-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

i'm tired and listless. i got my sleep time screwed up again. but, hey, that's my problem. got the facility ppl to replace a few burnt bulbs in the lab this morning. finally. but now it's freakin bright like nobody's business pulak. i should last the remaining of the day with rage blasting through. quite 'soothing' this one.. guerrilla radio and such. work is endless. can't seem to get a breather. it'll get especially intense when your work will be used to report about the program's status to the upper management. pretty high visibility but more exposure on your work too.. so can't play2.

been invited to go to a friend's bachelor's party. it's gonna be in late april. the friend's irish and he's getting married to a nice girl from texas (that's one way of getting yer green card, eh! hehe!). i've never been to one, so this would make for a good experience. i bet it would be crazy! i still have to figure out whether i want to play in the austin scott tennis tournament in boulder which starts the following weekend or not. and there's also the possibility of me traveling to singapore on a business trip too. the date should work out and i've told the gang i'll be going.. i mean, what could possibly be wrong, right?! being the sober one amongst drunken friends..;)

right now i'm thinking about me mom's singge ike ayo. bestnye dok rumah.. . whenever i go home, my mom would prepare dishes to my heart's desire (my sisters could attest to this hehe). most of the dishes are typically simplistic in their creation and presentation. i could go 2-3 plates of rice with only the singge (or it's formalized letter - 'singgang' - methinks), budu, and sambal tumis udang. fancier dishes - nasi kerabu with its full compliments of ayam percik (bbq'd chicken with specially prepared coconut-based sauce) and daging bakar (grilled marinaded beef) and solok lada (malaysian pepper stuffed with, urm, 'stuff' - minced fish and others) and bawang jeruk (pickled garlic) and keropok (fish chips). i'd go gaga over laksam (some say it's the kelantanese style laksa) and my mom's incredibly bottom-less combo tomyam, and satay baung (the best satay this side of the titiwangsa), and the pau buns sold in front of HUSM, and the occasional lawar (minced raw fish mixed with long beans and daun kesum and squeezed lime juice).. aiihhh, bestnye dok rumah.

back to reality then. i'm actually looking forward to the up-coming trip to singapore. not entirely for the obvious reasons (not in any particular order - read: family, friends, food, and a certain someone), but also for a change of scenery and perspective. it's good to get away from normalcy sometimes. often times it could rejuvenate a stale heart and mood. then of course a well-deserved time-off before the next vicious cycle sucks me in again. such is life... hope everybody's doing well. stay safe.. stay healthy:)

my poor brain

2005-03-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

procastinator extraordinaire. i don't really know where i get that from.. sis, any ideas? and i don't know how i got to where i'm at right now by being super-lazy. maybe i actually did get some things right over the course of my life. this would probably be a good time to start looking at what i've been through and where my life should be headed to. i have a little over a year left before i hit the big 30. ouch! it doesn't hurt a little. however i believe that there's nothing wrong in getting old. it's a fact of life. and the sooner we understand that, the better we'll feel when the time actually arrives. i don't particularly feel any wiser or any better with aging. but it somewhat gives me a wider scope of perspective into life. more experience-lah konon2nye. i'm pleasantly happy with what i have while still having the burning desire to achieve the many dreams that i have. i wish i could've done a lot of things differently but such is life.. win some, lose some. in a sense, i achieve better results doing things last minute. nothing beats having an adrenaline rush going through 4-5 chapters of chem2 before its exam in 4 hours, or preparing a presentation package in less than 1/2 hour to an audience that includes the VP, and so on. i'm sure you've been through these at one point or the other. so being a procastinator extraordinaire is not all bad. you'll discover how creative and resourceful you can be. and the satisfaction you'll get afterwards.. let's just say it's, urm, orgasmic (sorry, can't think off a better adjective hehe.. but you know what i mean). currently listening to guns n roses' greatest hits. i'd say their official debut album appetite for destruction is their 'greatest hits' album by its own right. but what do i know.. . and foo fighters' the colour and the shape. damn! i rock!! okeh-kokeh, hope everybody's doing well with the earthquake and all. do stay safe k. ciao!

slither

2005-03-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

it's saturday. i'm tired still. wanna sleep in a little bit more, please. but woke up early. i was gonna work on the immigration questionaire AND file my taxes, but opted to go to denver to watch football. could've gone to copper and snowboard. first experience of going to an irish pub in denver to catch, 1) england vs. nothern ireland at 8am, and 2) republic of ireland vs. israel at 8.50am. while the former was a lively and entertaining match, which england won 4-0, the latter was somewhat of a snore-fest. ireland started off brightly enough and scored within the first 4-minutes, courtesy of the very impressive damien duff and on-and-off clinton morrison. then it went 'blurry' for 86-minutes, like a bad dream that you can't remember, or don't want to remember, before the israelis scored a stunner on the dead. 1-1. ireland lost 2-points rather than gained one-point. england had 80% of the possession but had to wait till the 47th minute before joe cole scored and went on a 16-minutes scoring spree. michael owen, an own goal, and frank lampard. the day's not lost yet though. i will get the immigration questionaire done and 'start thinking' about filing the taxes. nothing beats a good saturday off from work.

corporate espionage. what those two words mean to you? i got first-hand taste of what it's like yesterday. got a call from an ex-manager of mine. kinda surprised that he called. i don't think we had a super working relationship the last time i worked for him. but he sounded pleasant enough and friendly. till he started asking me for a few of the company's propriety documents (those are company's patented designs, confidential stuff, trade secrets). what would you do? for all i know, he could be working for 'the enemy'. the company where i'm employed right now has taken extensive measures to protect its trade secrets, which includes educating the importance of these documents and the consequences of our actions, and having all employees signed legal documents. bottom line, the company wants to keep whatever edge or advantage that it has over its competitors by protecting its trade secrets. heck, i could be fired for even entertaining such requests! i wrote back to him and basically said no and haven't heard back from him since. it's not worth getting fired for. kinda pissed off with him for putting me in that situation when he obviously knows the consequences. plus i can't recall a single favor he made for me when i worked for him. go figure!

could you settle for second best? i guess it depends. if i'm expected to be the best, then coming out second would be a heartbreaking experience. now if i'm not expected to be anywhere near to the top, ending up second would be a pleasant surprise. can you tell why you love somebody? is it because.. of his/her looks?.. she's got curves? he's got a 6-pecs? he/she drives a sports car? he/she lives in a condo? he/she makes you feel comfortable? safe? wanted? desirable? why? for what reasons? yes, fate has a lot to do with it, but it has to be initiated by a certain attraction. i dunno. just an interesting subject i guess. do you have any thoughts?

enough space

2005-03-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

i had spicy seafood sashimi for lunch, with two bowls of rice. there's a nice, little japanese restaurant, sakura, nearby my office. it's owned and run by malaysians. oddly enough, there's another japanese restaurant in chinatown in london where it's also being run by malaysians (dunno about its ownership though). i think it's 'odd' considering that the few japanese restaurants that i've been too, two of them are run by malaysians. now if you go to chinatown in london, you can't miss the place.. it's the only japanese restaurant there (but don't quote me on it pulak k!). good food and warmth. i forgot what it's called, my bad. during the same london trip, i ventured into london's red-light district. curiosity kills the cat.. and curiosity also burned a deep hole in my pocket. it was a wet and cold night. i walked there alone without knowing any better, just curious(?!). the crowd can be intimidating. lotsa nice restaurants. remember an indonesian restaurant. and strip clubs. one particular strip club (can't remember what it's called though, been doing a good job forgetting it hehe.. very painful and embarassing). got sweet-talked by this innocent-looking makcik at the counter *me bonehead*.. got in. the room was dimly lit. not too many 'patrons' tonight, it's too early kot. saw an oriental-looking pakcik in one corner coolly sipping a cold one. blur. a coupla dances and a glass of coke later, i was presented with a bill that reads - 140pounds-sterling. WTF!! didn't even get a lap dance! seriously thought about making a mad dash towards the entrance, but decided against it after seeing two big bouncers looking my way. i swore i saw one of them with a gun under his jacket. that moment i realized how screwed i was. acted cool, paid the bill, then left.. bitching and cursing at no-one in particular. the scene in 'closer' definitely brought back memories hehe. now, if only i could remember that portuguese girl's name... hmmm.. me bonehead like that sometimes. do take care, and have a beautiful day k!

my hero

2005-03-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

wah! could've never imagined such overwhelming response i got yesterday. i must be getting popular with the ladies hehe.. thanks!! definitely made my day:)

anyways, am still kinda bummed out from indoor soccer on sunday (a little bit) and was compounded by another heart-breaking loss (our fourth on the trot) on monday night in boulder (arrgghh!). but such is life.. win some, lose some. glad everybody's cool about it though. sometimes you can't be too serious about stuff. you have to able to laugh at yourself more. and kudos to my dear sister for drawing, urm, inspiration from my continuous pursuit of fitness (hehe..!) BERUSAHA-LAH!! still haven't seen the blazing red satria. din was supposed to sms me the picture. but nada. expect it to be as good-looking as it sounds. pictures please. now i really can't to wait to put in a new engine in her. think i'm gonna name her too!

i've been indecisive alot of times in my entire existence. i'm sure it's true to most of us mere mortals. it may be attributed to the fact that i'm a gemini (never believe this though). hence a simple, straight-forward question such as "what one thing in this world that would make me happy?" seems so hard (thanks, lissa. now you got me 'burning' some brain cells, thinking! hehe!). why? i dunno. it may be true that i have alot in mind, but i should at least have a hint or two. or maybe it's because i could be happy with a lot of things, just differing in the degree of happiness. but one thing? uno? impossible. methinks. but i don't think enough.. how?

has anyone never had a bad day before? i dunno about this one too. they may have bad days but 'chose' not to treat it as such. can you? well, nevertheless, do have a good day and stay safe always! ciao!

rocky mountain oysters

2005-03-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

we lost the championship game last night *bummer* we lost it on a golden-goal (meaning: the game was tied at the end of regulation (we were tied at 3-3) and we had to play an additional 5 minutes sudden-death, first team that scores win). it wasn't a good way to lose but it happened. we probably won't feel as bad if we'd won. we had most of the possession and more chances, but we didn't put them away. in retrospect, the season has been a success. we won 5 games, lost 2, and drew one game. we lost both games to the same team. i put together the team after so many seasons of underachievement. this new team is more competitive and more solid in every department. we probably need a better goalie though. we'll come back stronger. and we definitely want them 'champions' t-shirts!!

yong tau foo

2005-03-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

too many thing to do. and i'm tired. physically and mentally. need a vacation. wanna start my own business and be the boss of me. i've been seriously thinking about getting an mba. but have been seriously lacking in conviction. maybe i'm too honest with myself. 'honesty' in the sense that i realized how much i'm limited in terms of pure determination and motivation. some days you just have to buckle down and grind out for results. been too laid-back methinks. at the end of it though, it's down to how bad you want something. right now, i don't have that motivation. i suck. please give me time.

black pepper crab

2005-03-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

i have this believable tired look. even though i've never used this 'ability' to ask for some time off from work, i've thought damn hard about it. especially when espn's showing live champions league matches.. it's 7- and 8-hours back from the local uk and continental european times respectively. looks can be deceiving. i always have this reservation about playing guys that doesn't-look-like-a-player when i sign up for tennis tournaments. you know the type. most of them look like some pakcik who's headed for a walk at the park instead of playing in a high-octane tennis match against me. got psycho'd out a few times already. nothing's worse than losing to these guys. usually i go in with my full tennis gear - 3 wilson tennis racquets, matching tennis bag, full nike apparel - with one objective in mind - looking intimidating in order to psycho the other guy. the true gauge of his capabilities will be made known when we start warming up. i'll hit unbelievable ground strokes from both wings, make solid volleys, and never miss my overheads. by this time, if the other guy can match my shots, then i'd be in deep shit. only then i'll start thinking of a gameplan. at the level i'm competing at, typically, guys will have trouble hitting good, solid backhands. so i'll direct my attacks there. if this gets too easy, i'll re-direct my offense to the guy's stronger shot and nullify it. this way, i'll break him down more. see, i'm not just another pretty face you know. often times, the strategy goes against me. for some reasons, my opponents employ the same tactics against me. hmmm... anyways, i've set a target to win one tournament this year, at least. aiming for the more prestigious ones, i.e. austin scott invitational, broomfield open, boulder open, or denver city open. well, to tell you the truth, i'd settle on winning anything right now. wish me luck people. which kinda reminds me, i haven't found a coach yet. ate at korea house for lunch today. walked into the place, then the nice korean makcik waitress asked, "spicy calamari?", before i even sat down. i was amused. smiled, nodded, asked for hot tea, and sat down at an open table. when the food came out, she brought with her two bowls of rice (aisey, can't this makcik see i'm trying to lose some weight?). there goes my 2-miles of hard running from last night. it was satisfying to say the least. and it means that i've got to wake up early tomorrow morning and burn some calories! i've got my weekend pretty much set. hope you'll have a wonderful one too. stay safe and take care k! ps: been listening to sheila-on-7's '30 hari mencari cinta' soundtrack that i bought when i went to jb in november

beaten to a pulp

2005-03-17T12:15:00.000-07:00

writing is a full-time job. i'm becoming more aware of that fact since i started blogging. in a sense, i know that i'm not obligated to write quirky, funny, and meaningful articles every time, every day. still, i feel that it won't be too much of time-wasting to at least try writing a piece that, at the end of it, people would be in awe and nod their heads together in agreement, thinking how smart this guy is. writing has been an important aspect of how i communicate with people.. i think i'll get my ideas and/or messages across better through writing. i think i beat around the bush too much when i talk. and, often times, i don't know when i'm suppose to stop talking till i get myself into trouble, if you know what i mean. there's a malay saying that goes like - "kerana kata, badan binasa" - that i always keep in mind. there are a lot of people in the blogging realm who can really write. i don't know how they do it consistently, but most of the blogs were well-thought of, well-contructed, and well-presented. awesome. makes for good reading and entertainment.

anyways, it's st. patrick's day today. i can see people at work wearing green and being jolly. kinda makes me wonder whether they've had any guinesses already. there's an irish bar at a place called chijmes in singapore that most of my american colleagues hang out when we're on business trips there. the location is superbly convenient for us since it's just across the street from the hotels that we usually stay in, raffles the plaza and/or swissotel the stamford. somewhat 'permitting' unruly and childish behavior when you've enough to drink! the place's called 'father flanagan's'. and i've never seen any caucasian that's closed to resembling an irishman (or, woman) working there. 3-4 young, hot, and locals, yes. the place is always swarming with people, at least on those nights that i go there. it's pretty amazing how much alcohol these people can consume. i'll be racing to the restroom after my second glass of coke. and all this before we head out for dinner! good times, eh! hehe.. there'll be a st. paddy's parade in denver this saturday. it's an annual event. never been there since i moved here though. not sure about this year either. i think i'll have better things to do on a saturday morning (sleep in, sleep in some more, tv). if you guys have a chance to travel to the uk, try adding ireland to the itinerary. i've been in dublin for 1 1/2 weeks before and loved every moment there, wet and freezing cold and all. of course we were so very much in love then come rain or shine. might go there again.

so much going-ons at work. while i feel that my professional reputation is flourishing, due to pure determination ans smarts, i should well know also how office politics can be punishing and very unforgiving. gotta keep your feet on the ground at all times, watch your back when 'discussing', urm, 'sensitive topics' (and for backstabbers), suck up every now and then *wink2*, and most importantly get your job done (done right and timely). nothing beats the floating sensation when you're somewhat hailed as a hero in a meeting room full of big-shots after solving a major crisis. corporate survival. punishing. unforgiving. corporate policy: here's a pat on the back for a job well-done, and here are some more work for you. do work longer hours and no vacation time till furlough. in retrospect, i am truly grateful with where i'm at right now and absolutely happy with what i'm doing right now. i think i have a cool job. definitely not one that was conjured during grade school. could've been worse. i'm grateful.

2-miles tonight and a book to finish. hope the day's been kind to you so far. take it easy and enjoy life's little pleasures wherever you may be. stay safe:)

sweet child of mine

2005-03-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

hehe.. someone named her car 'daisy'.. cute:) i think i'm gonna name my cars too. any suggestions? anyway, it's tuesday here and i've come to the end of another stupendous hectic day at the office. to top it off, the group's got a glowing praise of approval and appreciation from the project's core team for a job well-done. now, if i can figure out a way that all these praises can be converted into monetary form, i'll be set for the next few years hehe, boleh ke?.. not complaining or anything, just a thought.

and, my indoor soccer team in westminster (paranoid.android) will be playing for the championship! yeay!! is this awesome or what?! in our first season together, we've reached a dizzying height. we'll be up against the one team that beat us in the regular season. it'll be a good match. watch this space next week.

well, i was gonna elaborate on how my bedroom looks like, after reading a post in another blog, but kinda running out of time. anyways, it's a total mess. one thing though, i'll make my bed in the morning. that's the only that's tidy. i never fold my shirts/t-shirts with the intention that i'll hang them in the closet after the drier. now it's one big pile of cloth, smacked in one corner of the room. magazines, novels, books, and manga are anywhere and everywhere within reach from my lying down position on the bed. tennis rackets and balls are piled in another corner of the room. once i get these individual piles piled up in their respective corners, the room actually looks a bit tidy. so, there. okeh-kokeh.. hope everybody's doing well and enjoying the good weather. take care!

undone

2005-03-11T17:54:00.000-07:00

well, it's been another hectic day at work. i'm spent. at least it's friday and another weekend for myself (meaning no work and/or on-calls for work). and i've bought a few manga titles that should keep me occupied for tonight, plus another daniel silva novel, 'the unlikely spy'. i've done reading 'the confessor' a few days ago and found it left wanting in a few plots, somewhat lacking in depth, relative to dan brown's 'the da vinci code'. wow! these 'fiction' novels about church conspiracies and the knights templars and priory of scion and mossad and assassin-for-hire are really, really intriguing. lets see how mr. silva's debut would stack up againt these other novels.

i've written a little bit about how i view the 'imperfections' in women to be wonderful traits (?!).. something to celebrate even. what are these 'imperfections'? most of the women that i've met and known are overly conscious about their physical traits, that they've basically put up a 'protective shell' to guard their inner consciousness from public exposure and scrutiny. and most of them have some attitude to boot too. this may be caused by how the general feeling towards this materialistic world dictates what we wear and how we look, especially to the female gender. first impression always counts. still i find it beautiful and refreshing on how cute(?!) they can be acting amidst their ever stern and aggressive outlook. how can't you find it 'funny' when you talk to your gf over the phone after buying her a pair of shoes and you know that she's wearing them in bed at that time? i love that aspect of eccentricities, of being honest and trying to be vain and admitting all that with a hearty laugh. God.. i'm a total sucker for all things cute;) again, this is based on my personal experience, and with a grand sample size of 2 (this alone had me violating the fundamental principle of six-sigma), i may be stretching the truth a bit. but hey, tell me what you think.

ps: i took a few days writing this entry, and still i don't have the slightest clue of what i was trying to say.. hopeless.

gremmie out of control

2005-03-11T11:47:00.001-07:00

croc

research

trespassing

stay clean

mafia insurance

::last kiss::

2005-03-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

after 1 1/2 days, i finally figured out what was wrong with this one sucker of a failure. amazing. i'd imagined that i've seen them all after more than 5 years in the profession. i think i was looking too hard at it when it's glaringly and obviously there to discover. ish.. ish.. ish... i need a vacation. felt lifted after the entire ordeal, especially when you have a couple of senior directors almost literally breathing down my neck since yesterday. glad got that done and over with. the not-so-good news? we haven't even reached the 'fun' part of the development yet! that's when we start getting into a higher gear.. more parts built and tested and thus more failures. by then hopefully we've weeded through most of the systems level issues and only deal with 'historical' wear-n-tear kinda failures. been asked by the boss about the impending product launch support in singapore.. so, i could be there as early as the end of march. hehe.. another trip home:)

the 'ayam masak merah' i prepared last night was excellent. thanks to lissa for her input.. couldn't have done it on my photographic memory alone!! thus i hereby declare that the dish is the best in colorado! considering that it was my first attempt some more. quite surprisingly really because i've never had the, urm, urge(?!) to cook the dish before. it's a very simple dish to prepare once you've done it, relative to other dishes i've prepared like 'chicken kurma' or 'kuah kacang' (peanut sauce). it definitely adds to my repertoire lah. wondering how much my two sisters, kda and mcwu, can believe this public tormenting?! hehe.. sabar je lah. anyways, we've still got plenty of ground to cover before any one of us can challenge kakak.. the successor supreme to mama's cooking prowess. kinda miss mama's nasi kerabu right now... *sigh*

well, the weekend's fast approaching again. some weeks past me by so fast that i can't remember to actually get anything done. some are absurdly slow that i'd remember almost every detail of what i went through. but those times that had passed by will not return, and we're stuck in the 'now' (until that passes us by) and the future to look forward to. cherish the moment and do something memorable for a change! have a good weekend (i still have a friday), drive safely, and be safe. ciao!